Cumming of Age

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Cumming of Age

How skilled is the baby-dyke with her fingers, her tongue, her sweltering, virile vagina? And are older lesbians lacking stamina? Can they keep up with the young? Or are they aging swiftly into dry ice?

These are only few of the questions haunting my 35th year, which is the age that is exactly between young and older. I find myself going through violent spurts of wanting to get laid thoroughly and frequently — and there are moments when I consider bedding women with whom I know I do not wish to become entangled in any way. In short, some days, my pussy is running the decision-making show.

Faithful as my Hitachi has been, the tactile is what woos me in these days. I need tongues (one at a time, please) and teeth and fingernails and breath — I need a body goddammit!

But I also find that am less patient with the process of love or lust or whatever you want to booty-call it. I want her to know what the hell she is doing as soon as she walks through my Brooklyn doors. I don’t want to teach anybody. Nor do I want to ease anyone back into the forgotten process of wild and wanton fucking.

Call me pernickety, call me unfair, but I want a significant number of orgasms from the jump. Which brings me to the opening question. How good are young dykes on the Richter-scale of same-sex screwing.

To be frank, I usually I avoid the baby-dykes. Not because I don’t value them, but because they seem too interested in fashion and pop-culture and what their friends think about their hair or feet or whatever. Everything is more pressing than the business of figuring out how I like my vulva sucked on, or my anus entered. Older dykes tend to be bossy, know-it-alls who make me feel like I am dating my mother. And I don’t get wet with my mother in my ear whispering curt instructions about how I should suck on her nipple.

Now, you would think that the perfect match for me would fall in the mid-thirties age group. But we are just as fucked up and delinquent about the technical details of sixty-nine-ing, or rimming or fisting. As I get older, I get less squeamish. As I get less squeamish, I get more annoyed with people who are afraid to fuck me.

When I was a baby-dyke I was looking for true love and permanence and someone to raise this baby I have been threatening for years. Now that I am jaded and horny and about to get pregnant, I just want good sex and no long-painful arguments about whom is more attached than whom, or why you love me, or don’t love me, or why you just need to have Winnie The Pooh in the bed when we do it.

As things stand, I am single and searching for the woman who could toss my proverbial salad regularly and without too much invested in the traditional U-haul and picket-fence lesbian lifestyle. That said, tomorrow I may awaken beside you and want to marry you. I reserve the right to be anything I damn well decide to be. I can’t wait till I am old enough to fart during sex and not apologize for it.

Bitter as I am, I can only hope that something monumental will occur to render me as dewy-eyed as the young, as wise and forgiving as the old and as happy as the fools (of all ages) who do not even know that they are not having good sex.

(Staceyann Chin is the author of The Other side of Paradise: A Memoir)



Comments [126]

samm's picture

It must be an age thing

It must be an age thing because I find myself in the same situation. Is it because our body feels it's getting old and needs to get laid as a form of good bye? I hope not... I don't see 35 years as the end of the sex life, not even the beginning of the end. Nevertheless the hormones have their saying and they command sex. For the first time in my life I searched for a London escort company, I am beginning to understand why these services exist.

lmz's picture

bizarre

i don't get what's happening here.

i may be too old to be offended by provocation : the blog made me laugh and ... sigh. Rude caricatures (i've met some of those, i could have been some of those, i can be some of those) as rhetorical figures to express something else : le manque. L'autre n'est jamais ce que je veux, in bed or anywhere else.

Not2Taem's picture

Police Women

The fine Lady Cops are on in 7 minutes. That might break the loop.  Innocent

Dang! I just went to find them and realized it is only Wednesday.  :oups:  This has been a very long week.

Sloppy seconds/Top Chef? At least there are usually a couple of our people.  Wink

Rusty's picture

Step away from the computer

I think everyone needs to take a time out. I suggest we all shut our browsers, go for a walk, get a beer, get laid or whatever because we're really close to the edge here.

Personally, I'm gonna go look for a willing baby dyke or geezer or someone in between and fuck their brains out.

(I almost posted this in response to a specific post on this thread, then thought the better of it. My self control astounds me sometimes.)

"When you look for the bad in mankind expecting to find it, you surely will." ~ Pollyanna

Tex's picture

My gawd!

That was you?!?! You were amazing!  Smile

Inbetweener,

Tex

Twitter Time @kdhales

Rusty's picture

You are one of my favorite

You are one of my favorite smart asses.

"When you look for the bad in mankind expecting to find it, you surely will." ~ Pollyanna

Not2Taem's picture

Walk this way

I'll gladly give you some relief.  Evil

Rusty's picture

And you're another of my

And you're another of my favorite smart asses. (Thanks for offering to help me find beer last night.)

"When you look for the bad in mankind expecting to find it, you surely will." ~ Pollyanna

minniesota's picture

Minn-a-cinn-amon

Rusty, I have gone to my happy place, namely a tummy full of cinnamon crust.

Still searching for the right brainy quote.

itty's picture

Mmmmmmm....

any leftovers???

USPS, FedEx and UPS all deliver overnight ya' know!

Smile

K I T's picture

mmmmmmmm

its 01:56 i aint going for a walk  get a beer where ? everything is closed here besides i got martini at home

and some green stuff

get laid ? im all by myself 

but heck  i can close my browser, but then i would be missing out on your comments ?

winks

deedee's picture

Mr.Chin

I think we know just how MUCH you DISLIKE baby dykes in bed ,you have let us know in more than 1 or 2 blogs on this site,so let me put it another way

Stop being so full of yourself .

Can some one please tell me how to take my avatar down .

deedee's picture

Sorry this was just pointed out to me

This was a typo ,it was suppose to say Ms.

Not2Taem's picture

Mr.?

deedee,

I hope the Mr. in your subject line was just a typo. It seems to me that you are upset about this blog, but I hope that you would not use a gender reference as an insult. I haven't read all of Staceyanne's books yet, but I have never read her refering to herself with masculine pronouns. Probably just a typo. 

deedee's picture

Not2taem

It was a typo thanks for pointing it out too me.

Not2Taem's picture

:)

I was pretty sure it was. Just wanted to cover the pot, given the heat of the dish.  Davie

Calogero's picture

Really

Why bother with the insincere apology??

If you dislike the 'arrogance' of Staceyann's blogs so much why spend your time reading them?  

Knowing what she does and doesn't want in (and out of) bed, and sharing it with those of us who actually enjoy reading it doesn't make her 'full of herself' - just honest and confident.

Maybe I've misread you but seriously if your not actually sorry for your opinion, don't apologise.

 

" Teachers teach and do the world good, Kings just rule and most are never understood "

LongBeachDogLover's picture

So, why are you judging her apology?

Deedee is a strong woman, with some very intense feelings. She has a right to her opinions, and a right to apologize if she finds it appropriate to do so. I for one want to thank her for being woman enough to step up to the plate....

Thanks deedee.   Smile

deedee's picture

LongBeachDoglover

Thank you very much.

Not2Taem's picture

Close up

I love that when your comments are on the side bar, we get a closeup of your sweet little pussy.  Wink

Calogero's picture

"Maybe I've misread you" I

"Maybe I've misread you"

I believe that was part of my comment, and If that is the case I'm more than happy for deedee to tell me so as I know it is possible that I have misread her comments. I don't recall stating she has no right to apologise or to her own opinion, far from it.

I was merely commenting on how the apology came across to me after her last comment.

" Teachers teach and do the world good, Kings just rule and most are never understood "

Rusty's picture

Welcome

CaloG, thanks for sticking around and reiterating your point. I saw nothing wrong with your first post and appreciate the care with which you stated it.

There are many things we do well on this site, unfortunately making new / infrequent commenters feel welcome is not one of them. I'm including myself in this critique.

I don't know what the numbers are, but I would guess only a minuscule number of people who come to the Park actually post comments. There are a number of reasons, but I'm afraid the cliquish and all too often rude responses to comments contribute.

This is very late in coming, but welcome to the Park and I hope you visit and post often.

And if any lurkers see this, please post. You can help dillute some of the ill-considered posts and improve the Park for all of us.

"When you look for the bad in mankind expecting to find it, you surely will." ~ Pollyanna

Calogero's picture

Thank you

For the welcome Rusty.

" Teachers teach and do the world good, Kings just rule and most are never understood "

Grace Moon's picture

I want to point out

and I said this before, we are re-printing by permission Staceyann's blogs from OC.

If you don't like it, please don't read them.

tweet tweet @gracemoon

mystic.misfit's picture

Respectfully

Respectfully, Grace, I wouldn't know how I felt about a blog post unless I actually read it first. Then, having invested my time and energy, I do feel I can post an opinion about it. But I am new to Velvet Park, so are readers only supposed to post when they agree with something, rather than possibly flesh out some issues or give feedback? Does Velvet Park edit for things like agreeable tone, rather than obvious things like hate? If that is the case, I wasn't aware of it. I for one don't feel the need to wholesale dismiss a featured blogger here because of one post I found kind of clueless or perhaps just overdramatized to make it a better read. Who knows, Stacyann might even be appreciating the feedback and fuss? It is hard to be positive about tone in chat/comment form, so let me clarify I am  not being sarcastic or facetious. Ok, maybe a little. Is that a crime here, though, really? Little bit of snark? No? Seems logical a strongly worded and very direct blog post would elicit strongly worded and very direct responses, whether for or against. But what do I know, I'm new here.

Katina's picture

hey mystic, thanks for your

hey mystic,

thanks for your comments - the guidelines are posted here: 

http://www.velvetparkmedia.com/community-guidelines

you can find them at the bottom of every vp page, too.  let me know if you have any questions - moderator@velvetparkmedia.com

best wishes,

katina

Lake's picture

The.....

Golden Rule!!! Wink

Lake

Rusty's picture

Good idea

The Golden Rule is an excellent place to start. Personally, I'm putting a Post it Note on my monitor that says, "If you wouldn't say it to their face then don't type it in a comment."

"When you look for the bad in mankind expecting to find it, you surely will." ~ Pollyanna

deedee's picture

Thanks

Thanks Grace.

K I T's picture

go to

account settings scroll down to where your pic is and  mark the delete box then  scroll down to the bottom and safe .

p.s 1 or two blogs dont sound that much to me?

lol

peace >>>

deedee's picture

Kit

Thanks

K I T's picture

to bad though

i liked the glasses on your cat

K I T's picture

your

your welcome

deedee's picture

Double post

Sorry.

 

 

peacekitty's picture

I just finished this blog and

I just finished this blog and I think it's beautifully written...poetic and meaningful.  Thank you.

"Fight Prime Time. Read a Book"

LongBeachDogLover's picture

Staceyann......

You have so much emotion and passion.... I know that the 'right' woman will come into your life, and she will appreciate the woman that you are.

Sometimes, actually I should say - most times, it happens when we're not expecting it. Maybe it will be an 'older' woman, maybe a woman 'your age', or possibly a 'younger' woman..... but, she'll be there and you'll recognize her by the look in her eye, or the tenderness in her touch. But, she'll be there - and you'll know.

P.S. I know I've said this before Stacyeann, but you're going to be an awesome mother.....

Smile

Rusty's picture

Seriously?

Am I really the only one who thought this piece was funny as hell? And tell me this paragraph is not dead on:

"Now that I am jaded and horny and about to get pregnant, I just want good sex and no long-painful arguments about whom is more attached than whom, or why you love me, or don’t love me, or why you just need to have Winnie The Pooh in the bed when we do it."

"When you look for the bad in mankind expecting to find it, you surely will." ~ Pollyanna

VAinWI's picture

I LOVE

hearing and reading Stacyann, and love the fact that she talks about the stuff we think about but would never dream of saying out loud.  Keep it up, grrrl. you're an amazing womon and will make an awesome mother. Smile

Change is inevitable; growth is optional.

Rusty's picture

Whew!

I am so glad that it wasn't just me. Stacyann is one of my favorites, too. (And welcome to the Park.)

"When you look for the bad in mankind expecting to find it, you surely will." ~ Pollyanna

Calogero's picture

"I just want good sex and no

"I just want good sex and no long-painful arguments about whom is more attached than whom, or why you love me, or don’t love me, or why you just need to have Winnie The Pooh in the bed when we do it."

Well it made make me chuckle because it's true.

" Teachers teach and do the world good, Kings just rule and most are never understood "

Julia Watson's picture

Thank you! (So nice to think

Thank you! (So nice to think that maybe I'm not the only one with an annoyingly Winnie-the-Pooh-obsessed ex.)

Not2Taem's picture

Pooh vs. Chris

Yeah, I laughed when I read that, too. I had a Pooh-Bear as a child. He used to hide in the closet with me. We both just assumed that Chris was really a girl.  Glasses

Rusty's picture

I know, right

Maybe people just skim the blogs and miss the point. I thought this one was pretty enjoyable because I can put names and faces to the folks she described.

"When you look for the bad in mankind expecting to find it, you surely will." ~ Pollyanna

minniesota's picture

Me, me

I thought it was hilarious. Maybe we are both nutty, Rusty. Maybe I don't need to say, "maybe." Laughing out loud

Still searching for the right brainy quote.

deedee's picture

I also want to say

Get the FUCK over yourself please

deedee's picture

Ms. Chin let me

say to you I am sorry to you ,so I will put it another way at thetop of all posts.

 

 

Ps can someone tell me how to please remove my avatars ?

Grace Moon's picture

why would you say

that to one of our regular bloggers?

 

 

tweet tweet @gracemoon

SMBrown's picture

Umm...

Maybe I can put this a bit more delicately than DeeDee (lol):  the persona that Staceyann the writer uses is indeed at times a bit haughty, a bit arrogant, and doesn't suffer any fools.  I think of this as her 'shtick' and either you like that kind of tone or you don't--but I think some of the readers have obviously confused that persona with the person...

Erin Blackwell's picture

don't worry. the editor will

don't worry. the editor will do something about it.

Diana Cage's picture

why

why are the readers of this site so incredibly vitriolic? why do I so often find myself cringing at the comments?