Boob Tube: Pop Tart Puissance

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Boob Tube: Pop Tart Puissance

Just when we thought Paula Abdul had cleaned up her act and achieved some sort of lucidity this season, the American Idol judge returned to her peculiar ways earlier this week. Case in point? On Tuesday night’s episode, she threw a girl-on-girl tantrum. Twice!

First, after a mediocre audition in Jacksonville, Paula chose to liven up the festivities by randomly tackling fellow judge Kara DioGuardi, placing her hand between their mouths (13-year-old style) and pretending to make out with her. Kara’s response? Her work on Idol would never be done until Simon got fresh with her, too. (Kara, you and Ryan should compare notes on that one; Seacow 4Everz!) Later in the same episode, irritated at how her fellow judges failed to give her a chance to speak after another audition, Paula stalked off camera muttering about how her services were clearly no longer needed. The female contestant who had just auditioned followed her to get her back, and distinctly smoochy noises were heard off-screen. Shortly thereafter, the two of them walked back into the room and Paula passed the girl through to Hollywood citing her “lickability” — er, make that “likability.”

Paula Abdul, '80s pop star and trendy lesbian. No more Katy Perry for you!

paula-kara-vmedwidec.jpg

Back in the Top Chef kitchen, Jamie continues to kick almost-butt, having made it to the top three in both the Quick Fire and Elimination rounds this week, but not quite managing an actual win. With only six cheftestants left now, and a few of them long overdue for ousting (I’m looking at you, Leah and Hosea.), our girl looks to have a really good shot at making it to the finale. I would so love to see it come down to Jamie and Stefan! Or better yet, Jamie and new-agey Carla! Two women going head to head for the title of Top Chef would kind of be the coolest thing ever. I think Jamie is the best shot at the title Team Rainbow has had in all five seasons. Go, girl, go!

In other foodie reality TV news, the new season of Hell’s Kitchen kicked off this week sporting two openly gay contestants. Sadly, quirky and well-mannered gay boy Wil got his walking papers right off the bat. But lesbian contestant LA is still representing! Overall, the quality of the contestants this time around seems much, much higher than in past seasons, and it’s about freaking time! The Top Chef crew has been making the Hell’s Kitchen folks look like red-headed culinary stepchildren for ages now! But then, don’t we all watch Hell’s Kitchen for the same reason we tune in to American Idol — to watch Simon berate his contestants? Gordon Ramsay is harsh, but he’s hilarious. Honestly, who else would have the nerve to tell a contestant who claims to have pulled a recipe “out of his ass” to put the dish “back up there”?

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To Watch For Next Week…

Sunday! Find out who stole the film reel for Jenny and Tina’s movie on The L Word (Showtime, 9 p.m.). Buck and Max are headed for bromance on The United States of Tara (Showtime, 10 p.m.).

Monday! The season premiere of Medium (NBC, 10 p.m.). Got Charlie? Lost’s Dominic Monaghan guests on Chuck (NBC, 8 p.m.). Also, the long-anticipated premiere of RuPaul’s Drag Race (Logo, 10 p.m.).

Tuesday! Liz risks hasbianism in a dalliance with Christian on Nip/Tuck (FX, 10 p.m.). Curious about all that illegal wire-tapping the NSA has been getting away with for the past eight years? Nova takes a look at modern eavesdropping technology (PBS, 8 p.m.). John Cleese on Jimmy Kimmel.

Wednesday! Kate gets back to her badass roots and we finally find out what happened to Jin after the freighter exploded in last season’s finale on an all new Lost (ABC, 10 p.m.). Can the Top Chef crew take the heat cooking for chef and guest judge Eric Ripert at his restaurant, Le Bernardin? (Bravo, 10 p.m.)

Thursday! Mad Men’s Jon Hamm kicks off a three-episode arc as Liz’s new hunka-hunka on 30 Rock (NBC, 9:30 p.m.). Big Love’s Ginnifer Goodwin on Conan O’Brien.



Comments [43]

peacekitty's picture

BTW the way did yo ujust call

BTW the way did yo ujust call me monkey poop? Wink

"Fight Prime Time. Read a Book"

peacekitty's picture

You're such a realist. :)

You're such a realist. Smile Yes you're right, there's still plenty of time for the writers (and director/producer) to completely ruin the show.

I'm just trying to stay positive, it's the only show we've got darn it.

"Fight Prime Time. Read a Book"

Julia Watson's picture

Not so fast there, my little

Not so fast there, my little monkey doodle! While this week's episode was fantastically funny, and I expect good things from the other episode directed by Angela Robinson in two weeks, one good episode does not a good season make! I'm open to the idea that it could turn out to be better than I hoped, but I'm not holding my breath, either!

CA_Medicine_Woman's picture

Kind of hard without the Rez

Kind of hard without the Rez ship or hub around, but with the twists in this story, you never know!

CA_Medicine_Woman's picture

Yeah, BSG was awesome, and a

Yeah, BSG was awesome, and a little upsetting. It definitely went much darker than I had thought it would, and in a totally different direction from the original series (a very good thing).

CA_Medicine_Woman's picture

I suspect Dualla would have

I suspect Dualla would have fragged his mutinous ass the first chance she got.

CA_Medicine_Woman's picture

I went through the area a

I went through the area a couple of days ago, and you would think a blizzard had just gone through. Then back heading east yesterday, temps in the 40's and everything melting fast.

Very strange winter this year!

Steph H's picture

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! Smile

Thanks for letting me know!

Steph xoxo

little_earth's picture

I was excited I got to see

I was excited I got to see Hells Kitchen (I'm usually asleep or gone whenever I realise later that there was something I wanted to watch). But when it comes to LA, why does she look familiar? Has there been promo posters up before? Can't place it and it is irritating me.

I didn't catch Top Chef until Jamie was the last of team Rainbow for that season, but I've been cheering her on ever since.

Lots of Love - little_earth "Occasionally, I'm callous and strange" - Willow

peacekitty's picture

Hey Julia. Okay for the

Hey Julia.
Okay for the record: I said two weeks ago when I criticized the awful season 6 premiere of the L-word that if it got better I would eat my words.

Well I'm eating my words because it's getting better. We laughed through last nights' episode and it was really entertaining. Not great, but definitley entertaining.

I think the biggest problem was the marketing and the fact that they put the ending first and advertised it as a murder mystery.

So Steph you can still order or season 6 box DVD set. Smile
xoxo - PK

"Fight Prime Time. Read a Book"

Steph H's picture

I was thinking I hadn't seen

I was thinking I hadn't seen you around much Sad

I can't get to work today because of the snow - no trains or buses!!! We had 6 inches overnight which is practically unheard of in London. Ah well, a nice day tucked up at home!

S xoxo

Robin Rigby's picture

I've watched both episodes of

I've watched both episodes of Lie To Me and am enjoying it. I don't know if I'd compare it to House except for the lead guy with the enormous ego and annoying personality... Okay, I guess it's just like House.

CA_Medicine_Woman's picture

This was frackin'

This was frackin' hilarious!

Glad to see there were no spoilers, lol. I have to wait and catch BSG online when I get into the Newark, NJ area tomorrow morning.

CA_Medicine_Woman's picture

I caught the encore of Lie

I caught the encore of Lie to Me the other night, right after the encore of House (a repeat anyway) was aired. While interesting, it didn't make my "regular" lineup, which is down to CSI and BSG right now. I figure if I don't get too far behind, I can always catch it on Fox On Demand while I'm in a major city. I'm still waiting for Terminator:TSCC to return as well, lol.

Yeah, I'm a scifi nerd, and proud of it! Tongue

toodlin's picture

I just wanted to say, I enjoy

I just wanted to say, I enjoy that you used the word "puissance."

Lezbeth's picture

OMG! Patricia Arquette or

OMG! Patricia Arquette or RuPaul--such a difficult choice to make. Good thing I have a DVR.

Lezbeth's picture

If "reality TV" was reality,

If "reality TV" was reality, it'd be pretty boring stuff. As they've multiplied, the reality shows are becoming like wire clothes hangers, more of them appear every time I open the closet. Speaking of which, the one I'm looking forward to is RuPaul's Drag Race.

Lezbeth's picture

I commented about it last

I commented about it last week because I had caught the premiere and really liked it. This week's episode wasn't quite as interesting, but still good...I'm enjoying a fresh spin on the cop show genre and actually like the smarmy main character.

Julia Watson's picture

I did not notice that! I'll

I did not notice that! I'll have to try Hulu for the series premiere episode, too...

TheInsomniac's picture

I just had a Sunday morning

I just had a Sunday morning Lie to Me mini-marathon on Hulu. (I would add The Mentalist to your CSI/House description cocktail.) I hope you keep it in your rotation. Did you notice that Lightman's office has a huge picture of Harvey Milk featured in the lobby! The second episode also features Alicia Lagano who played a queer girl in the made for TV movie The Truth about Jane.

Insomniac

peacekitty's picture

Hello there Steph. :) I'm

Hello there Steph. Smile I'm good. I'm backing away from the Net for a bit to concentrate on other things, but still pop in once in a while.

Speaking of snow, we've had over 24 inches of show in the last 3 weeks in NE Ohio. You can have some of ours if you like. Personally I'm ready for Spring.

xoxo - PK

"Fight Prime Time. Read a Book"

Steph H's picture

Hey PK! I love House

Hey PK!

I love House too!!

Hope you are well! It's snowing here - hoorah!!

S
xx

peacekitty's picture

Oh that sounds like it's

Oh that sounds like it's right up my alley, thanks Julia I'll check that one out. House is my favorite show.

"Fight Prime Time. Read a Book"

minniesota's picture

I need to check that one out

I need to check that one out Julia because it sounds like a show I may like.

Still searching for the right brainy quote.

Julia Watson's picture

Hey, is anyone watching the

Hey, is anyone watching the new show, Lie to Me? I just caught an episode this week, and liked it so well that I decided to add it to my general rotation. (Ugh. Like I really need one more show to get addicted to!)

It's kind of like the lovechild of House and a less gory version of CSI though, which is awesome!

Rusty's picture

May the farce be with

May the farce be with you.
Brilliantly done.

Question: if Dualla hadn't offed herself would Gaeta have had complete control over the ship's communications?

"When you look for the bad in mankind expecting to find it, you surely will." ~ Pollyanna

minniesota's picture

That's motherfrakkin'

That's motherfrakkin' awesome, my precious. Smile

Still searching for the right brainy quote.

Julia Watson's picture

HA HA HA HA HA HA! I'll see

HA HA HA HA HA HA! I'll see you that one and RAISE you...

STARBUCK
Gaeta. So, at last we meet for the first time for the last time. (thinks about what she said) Yeah.

GAETA
Before you die, there is something you should know about us,
Starbuck!

STARBUCK
What, you traitorous, frakking cur?

GAETA
I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former half-Cylon room-mate.

STARBUCK
What's that make us?

GAETA
Absolutely nothing. Which is what you are about to become. Prepare to die.

STARBUCK
(puts her Schwartz ring on. She puts her hands next to her crouch. A green light beam rises, similar to a light saber.)

GAETA
(Does the same.)
You have the ring, and I see your Schwartz is... okay, actually bigger than mine.

Both look at their beams.

GAETA
Now let's see how well you handle it.

GAETA walks over to STARBUCK and starts to fight with her. They swipe at each other with their beams.

GAETA pulls back a little too far and knocks off the sound manager from the stage crew. He screams and falls off a ledge, and we realize that it's not a sound guy -- it's Zarek! R.I.Pieces, Zarek!

STARBUCK and GAETA stop fighting.

GAETA
Ummm, she did it.

STARBUCK
What?

STARBUCK swipes at GAETA. GAETA blocks it. They start fighting again. They swipe at each other until their beams become twisted.

GAETA
Shit. I hate it when I get my Schwartz twisted. Okay, maybe if I put my leg up on yours we can split apart.

STARBUCK
Yeah... I don't think that's gonna work.

GAETA attempts to put his foot on STARBUCK's leg.

GAETA
Good, yeah. On three; one, two, three, go.

GAETA and STARBUCK pull away from each other. Their beams disappear. GAETA looks up and recreates his beam. He points it at STARBUCK.

STARBUCK does the same and points hers at GAETA. They move in closer. Their beams touch ends. They are trying to cause the other to lose their beam. GAETA loses his beam.

STARBUCK swipes at GAETA 'S helmet. It doesn't make a mark. She tries again, same. She tries again, same. GAETA lifts his mask up and laughs at her. STARBUCK 'S beam disappears. She punches GAETA'S face. GAETA'S mask falls down. He recreates his beam and charges at STARBUCK .

STARBUCK holds him back with her hand. GAETA swipes at her several times, unable to reach her.

STARBUCK lets go of GAETA. GAETA runs into a locker with his helmet.

GAETA
So, Starbuck, Yogurt has taught you well. If there is one thing I despise, it is a fair fight. But if I must then I must. May the best man win. Put 'er there. (offers to shake her hand)

STARBUCK goes to shake his hand. GAETA takes the ring off
STARBUCK'S hand.

GAETA
The ring. I can't believe you fell for the oldest trick in the book. What a goof. What's with you, woman? Come on. You know what? No, here let me give it back to you. (offers the ring back)

STARBUCK goes up to get the ring back. GAETA throws it in a grate. The ring goes in the grate.

STARBUCK tries to catch it and falls to the grate.

GAETA
Oh, look. You fell for that, too. Gods! I can't believe it, woman.

STARBUCK gets up and runs to a corner.

GAETA
So, Starbuck, now you see that evil will always triumph, because good is dumb.

GAETA fires a green beam at STARBUCK.

STARBUCK dodges. GAETA tries again.
STARBUCK dodges. GAETA tries again.
STARBUCK dodges. STARBUCK backs into another corner.

GAETA
Very impressive, Starbuck. Too bad this isn't the Pyramid playoffs.

YOGURT'S VOICE Use the Schwartz, Starbuck. Use the Schwartz!

STARBUCK
I can't. I lost the ring.

YOGURT'S VOICE(O.S.) Forget the ring. The ring is pumpkin. I found it in Baltar's Krazy Kool-Aid palace. The Schwartz is in you, Starbuck. It's in you!

STARBUCK
All right. I'll try.

GAETA
Say goodbye to your two best friends, and I don't mean your pals in the Winnebago.

STARBUCK points her fist at a mirror on a shelf. It starts to move towards her. GAETA fires another green beam at her boobs.

STARBUCK catches the mirror, and covers her chest. The beam reflects off the mirror to GAETA. It hits GAETA'S crotch. GAETA falls back into the self-destruct button and activates it.

SHIP'S VOICE Thank you for pressing the self-destruct button. This ship will self-destruct in three motherfrakking minutes.

STARBUCK flees in triumph.

SCENE

Rusty's picture

Final scene of BSG finale if

Final scene of BSG finale if I was writing it:

Gaeta: First things first, to the death.
Starbuck: No. To the pain.
Gaeta: I don't think I'm quite familiar with that phrase.
Starbuck: I'll explain and I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand, you frakking warthog faced buffoon.
Gaeta: That may be the first time in my life a woman has dared insult me.
Starbuck: It won't be the last. To the pain means the first thing you will lose will be your other leg. Then your hands at the wrists. Next your nose.
Gaeta: And then my tongue I suppose.
Starbuck: I wasn't finished. The next thing you will lose will be your left eye followed by your right.
Gaeta: And then my ears, I understand let's get on with it.
Starbuck: WRONG. Your ears you keep and I'll tell you why. So that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out, "Dear Gods! What is that thing," will echo in your perfect ears. That is what to the pain means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in frakking misery forever.

So say we all.

"When you look for the bad in mankind expecting to find it, you surely will." ~ Pollyanna

Robin Rigby's picture

I cannot tolerate that

I cannot tolerate that egomaniac, Stefan. Especially when he was hitting on Jamie. Get a clue, buddy! I was glad to see him get his comeuppance this week.

Julia Watson's picture

You and your earth logic!

You and your earth logic!

Not2Taem's picture

Should we really be expecting

Should we really be expecting anything better from a show called Wife Swap? :?

Just a thought.

Rusty's picture

The creepy Pegasus guy

The creepy Pegasus guy reminded me how disturbing the torture arc was and how much I hated Cain.

I want sober Ellen and a 2-eyed Tigh to be on the Cylon baseship when Roslin gets there.

"When you look for the bad in mankind expecting to find it, you surely will." ~ Pollyanna

minniesota's picture

J, I got more upset after I

J, I got more upset after I saw the preview for next week's BSG. It was good to see Starbuck get all macho again, though.

Still searching for the right brainy quote.

minniesota's picture

That guy proved you can have

That guy proved you can have the highest IQ in the world yet be completely ignorant about how to act like a kind, decent human being.

Still searching for the right brainy quote.

Fastgurrrl's picture

I've always thought Paula is

I've always thought Paula is HOT...come OUT, come OUT wherever you are, PAULA! =)

Julia Watson's picture

Me too! Okay, I amend my

Me too! Okay, I amend my former statement to include all foodie reality TV shows under the blanket of awesomeness.

peacekitty's picture

I've never been a fan of

I've never been a fan of reality tv, but I'm nerdy that way.

I still love the Iron Chef though. Cat Cora is awesome.

"Fight Prime Time. Read a Book"

Julia Watson's picture

1. I'm starting to get really

1. I'm starting to get really bored of reality TV myself. But Top Chef is in a category all its own! So awesome!

2. Re: BSG, dude! Me too. I was actually kind of upset last night watching. Oups

Rusty's picture

Julia, your posts got me

Julia, your posts got me hooked on Top Chef. I hate reality shows darn you!

Dude, BSG is stressing me OUT.

"When you look for the bad in mankind expecting to find it, you surely will." ~ Pollyanna

Rusty's picture

Chuck is 3-D this week—make

Chuck is 3-D this week—make sure you get your glasses. (Shameless plug for my college buddy Mark Lawrence who plays Big Mike.)

"When you look for the bad in mankind expecting to find it, you surely will." ~ Pollyanna

Julia Watson's picture

Ha ha! I also caught that

Ha ha! I also caught that episode of Wife Swap, and was horrified by how awful that guy was to his guest. What an ass!

minniesota's picture

Speaking of LOST, I pictured

Speaking of LOST, I pictured Kate and Sun kissing during that scene in a recent episode. That's just how my lezzie brain works!

I'm still rooting for Jamie on Top Chef. Didn't Stephen have the most funny look on his face when he was in the bottom of the elimination challenge this time? Still, I like him because he is so enthusiastic about food.

Oh, I was scanning channels last night when I came across Wife Swap on ABC. One of the husbands was a pompous ass, as in he really put the "ous" in pompous. Just on a lark, I went to the ABC.com message boards for the show and the board was inundated with people posting their outrage about that guy. Here's a comment from one poster, "The guy was a jerk of epic proportions." The trouble is, the guy is such an ass, he's probably just laughing at all the ruckus.

Still searching for the right brainy quote.