Almost Famous: Hollywood Road Rage

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Almost Famous: Hollywood Road Rage

Things took a violent turn last week as celebs and celeb wanna-bes got all agro on each other. The cause for recent anarchy is unknown: Is it the economic crisis? Is Mercury still in retrograde? Has the use of steroids spiked since Mickey Rourke’s performance in The Wrestler?

Actor Joaquin Phoenix exploded in Miami on Wednesday, attacking a fan in the audience of one of his “concerts.” (In case you haven’t heard, he’s a rapper now.)

The performance itself is painful to the ears, so skip to 2:50 when the fight breaks out and it turns into The Jerry Springer Show. Joaquin shouts to a heckler, “I got millions of dollars in my fucking bank account, what do you got?” before jumping off the stage to attack him. Of course, the audience then begins chanting, “Joaquin! Joaquin!”Recent reports have indicated it’s another stunt like last month’s crazy interview with David Letterman, all part of an elaborate prank/video art project. In an interview with MTV, his Two Lovers co-star Gwyneth Paltrow said of Joaquin’s rap-star ambitions:"I'm not a hundred percent sure that that's really going to be the case. I think that there might be some other explanation or something going on. I'm not quite sure what, but I can't believe that he's really going to quit forever to become a rapper. It seems odd."

Let’s pray to God(dess) that she’s right.

Paula Abdul put her co-judge, latent homosexual Simon Cowell, in check on Thursday’s American Idol after he apparently got too close for comfort. In 2007, Paula was a hot mess in interviews on QVC and on her own Anna Nicole Smith-esque exploitative reality show/cry for intervention; it seemed she was constantly wasted. Let’s hope this most recent incident was just a case of giving Simon, who is famous for his asshole shtick, what he deserves and not a sign that Paula’s falling off the wagon. Maybe Simon, like fashion designer Isaac Mizrahi (who felt up Scarlett Johansson during 2006’s Golden Globes red carpet interview), mistakenly thinks that being gay gives him license to put his hands all over a woman.

Mass chaos erupted at New York City’s America’s Next Top Model auditions. Actually, it’s unknown what caused the terrifying stampede, but it is likely that people panicked after hearing someone shout that there was a bomb. Luckily, among the 10,000 women, only two were injured while three others were arrested for disorderly conduct.

In the upcoming season (or “cycle” as ANTM calls them), hostess/diva extraordinaire Tyra Banks is doing things differently by bucking industry standards of freakishly tall models and giving the shorties (5’7" and under) a chance. That is, until the show ends and fashion designers tell the models they’re too squat so they end up in Spiegel catalogs.

And now it’s time for my fave video of the week! In a controversial new song, Britney Spears comes clean about her love affair with yours truly in the new song, “If U Seek Amy.” Say it five times real fast. Still don’t get it? Let me help you out- F-U-C-K-me. Oh Brit-Brit, you’re so clever.

See if you can “seek” me in the video which, for some reason, people are calling S&M-inspired. Really? Not where I come from.

Comments [18]

Fastgurrrl's picture

What are you and "Kane

What are you and "Kane Middleton" and "Tate Walton" just below you talking about, there's no mention of Chris Brown on this blog.


Justin Adams's picture

That's not even Chris Brown!

That's not even Chris Brown! Damn TMZ staff is dumb.

Kane Middleton's picture

chris brown is the best all u

chris brown is the best all u f0ckin haters r mad because he is famous and r not

Tate Walton's picture

Chris I pray that every thing

Chris I pray that every thing go Gods way and you do not serve any time for this. I pray that you help others

Xanadu's picture

I do wonder if Paula has some

I do wonder if Paula has some kind of neurological condition (like MS) and she's just not saying anything? ... her voice often sounds like someone with MS ...

It tends to be career suicide when you admit a medical condition (especially as Paula's in a job that requires so much communication and having to be 'on' all the time).

I don't know if she could have made it this far with Idol etc - medical tests, drug testing? to not have been caught with something at this point?

Just a thought.

peacekitty's picture

I'll second that "touche."

I'll second that "touche."

"Fight Prime Time. Read a Book"

Lezbeth's picture

Paula, Paula, Paula...can't

Paula, Paula, Paula...can't anyone just tell you you're shit-faced, take you in for a cold shower, give you a cup of coffee, and maybe a gentle wake-up slap? Would anyone let her drive in that shape? It's hard for me to understand how "handlers" let messed up celebs get in front of the camera unless the celeb is like "Show me my mark, I've only had tee martwonies and I'm not as thunk as people drink I am."

Lezbeth's picture

And with all of that, no

And with all of that, no reason to have a shouting match with an unstable celebrity run amok.

rovermom's picture

shit...I shouldn't have

shit...I shouldn't have shouted blonde and pointed...

minniesota's picture

Wow, this makes me happy that

Wow, this makes me happy that the most exciting thing to happen in my day today is an errand to pick up some iron-on hemming tape. Wink

Still searching for the right brainy quote.

Amy Nicole Miller's picture



Grace Moon's picture

what a red hot mess of celeb

what a red hot mess of celeb gossip this week. awesome.

tweet tweet @gracemoon

Grace Moon's picture

she isn't looking so good, i

she isn't looking so good, i think there may be too many "blow outs" going up her nose...

tweet tweet @gracemoon

yonks's picture

“I got millions of dollars in

“I got millions of dollars in my fucking bank account, what do you got?”
dignity, self control, the ability to judge a man by his action and not be blinded by his bank account

-Do not follow me, I'M LOST-

Amy Nicole Miller's picture

OMG, can we be besties?

OMG, can we be besties?

Amy Nicole Miller's picture

I know, I know. I am just so

I know, I know. I am just so sick of reading about their exaggerated fights. I also purposely left out Rihanna/Chris Brown because I am uncomfortable with all the talk about it.
This pretty much sums up my feelings about it:

Celebgossiplova's picture

OMG! Ms. Amy! You are a

OMG! Ms. Amy! You are a genius with your witty prose! I fucking heart you!. I though I was the only one who thought Simon Cowell was a wink away from being a full out queen! Paula never cease to amaze me being high as hell on national televison, like she was last week..i.e. asking "Are you 16 or 17? AMERICA she is 16! Wow." I was like umm wow are so fucking high right now! In closing, Joaquin is a loser. Love your blog boo..keep them coming!

Harold Chickenshack's picture

Don't forget about the

Don't forget about the Lindsay Lohan - Samantha Ronson blow out!