“Are you sure sure about this next love?”

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“Are you sure sure about this next love?”

you don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gon’.”

The real point: Sometimes we miss (read: push away) our most significant chances at real love because we’re unwilling (read: too lazy / afraid / caught up in what appears to be new and shiny / too busy catering to immediate needs) to do the work it takes to get and keep real love.

Sometimes, we’re our own worst enemies.

The Scenario: Girl A likes Girl B. Girl B likes Girl A. Girl B recognizes that Girl A will require her to exist as a real human being within a relationship.

To Girl A, this means: being held accountable, being responsible for one’s words and actions, being empathetic, loving, caring, genuine, etc.

For Girl B, this means: the potential to fail at being consistent, the potential to fail at fulfilling someone’s needs, the potential to be required to do what one is not always wanting to do, the potential to lose Girl A - the potential to feel pain.

Enter Girl C.

Girl C appears to be new and fun and without complications or requirements because she has no previous history with Girl B.

Exit Girl B’s interest in Girl A.

Girl B continues to “hang out” or “spend time” (read: have sex, spend the night, go on dates, be seen in public, be in a basic lesbian relationship) with Girl C.

Eventually, Girl C recognizes that she is now, or at least quickly becoming, Girl A—which is what she wanted from the beginning, because no woman comes into a “scenario” where there’s already a woman involved and DOES NOT want to take her place. 

Sidebar: If you are Girl B, and Girl C tells you “Oh, I’m good with where we’re at. I respect your space” (read: anything explaining that she understands her position and that she will not try to eventually become your sole woman, she’s a liar. Leave her alone immediately because she can’t be trusted.).

Once Girl C assumes the position of Girl A, she feels even more empowered because she believes she has dethroned a queen. She feels like she has been “chosen” as a whole person rather than for her ease of interaction.

No worries. She’s stupid.

How stupid is she?

Girl C is so stupid that she can’t even recognize Girl B’s stupidity in willfully ignoring the facts that:

  1. There is no successful relationship that does not require effort. Period.
  2. There is no successful relationship that does not require you to face your fears.
  3. There is no successful relationship that does not require you to stretch yourself and see outside of your own immediate needs to fulfill those of your partner.
    1. Unfortunately, when you are unwilling to trust that someone else will do the same for you, it is hard to do this.
    2. There is no successful relationship without trust.
      1. And honestly, Girl B should never trust a Girl C willing to enter an unfinished situation and usurp that space for her own. She’s showing she has no respect for Girl A’s feelings, nor Girl B’s process.
      2. Girl C should never trust her newfound position as Girl A because in reality, original Girl A never ceased to exist. She’s just being ignored in the meantime. And … karma is real … so back-watching is in order.
      3.      No amount of “simple,” or “easy,” or “good” feelings will ever replace that aching, nagging, sometimes quiet, but always incessant echo of real and true love.
        1. a.     Once you find it, you have every right to lose it. No worries, the universe won’t stop you.
        2. b.     You can find new bodies, new “scenarios” and situations. Still, there’s nothing quite as magical as the cosmically sound coincidences of consciousness (magical gifts of the universe, dropped into our lives for us to nurture wholeheartedly, and appreciate as we do each breath) that come from two people wholeheartedly in love … and I mean two people in love with each other, not two people in a relationship, loving, yet actively in love with others.

What’s the point of that last one?

What I’m saying is … It doesn’t matter what type of television you buy if you’ve got no cable. And honey, let’s not even talk about the bittersweet moment you realize you were negligent enough to let the lights go out.

Ehhh, I’m not concerned with you getting it all this time around. Let it sit with you a bit.

In the meantime,

Be Your Own Girlfriend!

Comments [5]

Marcie Bianco's picture

you have to watch LIP

you have to watch LIP SERVICE. frankie woos Cat away from her gf then frankie just up and leaves Cat for NYC for two years (from Glasgow) then frankie returns when Cat is almost-over-her and is dating someone else and Cat is like why did you just up and leave and Frankie's like "I was scared. I panicked." then she says "I didn't think I was good enough for you."

which is beginning to sound like a bullshit excuse to me....

then Cat dies. 


Not2Taem's picture

side note

I recently found Lip Service on a friend's NetFlix and got hooked on this sumptuous hot mess. Kind of like honey on sopapillas, all flaky and sticky and totally irresistible frivolous fun.

Marcie Bianco's picture

Oh Em Gee...I need to write a

Oh Em Gee...I need to write a LIP SERVICE post -- there better be a Third Season.

Not2Taem's picture

True! I went through the

True! I went through the first 2 seasons in under a week, and was so disappointed to find there were no more.

kholi's picture

it is ...

a bit of a bullshit excuse. 

yet not one that i haven't made before.

the problem is that, when we say it, it's true. but the truth is, we could become good enough ... if we wanted it. and sometimes we want it ... but laziness is real.