“Love Is a Battlefield"; Or, How We’ve turned an 80’s Anthem into a Sorry Excuse for Mediocre Loving.

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“Love Is a Battlefield"; Or, How We’ve turned an 80’s Anthem into a Sorry Excuse for Mediocre Loving.

what can I do but offer up these humble opinions and hope you figure it out for yourself?

You're begging me to go

Then making me stay

Why do you hurt me so bad

It would help me to know

Do I stand in your way

Or am I the best thing you've had 

Goodness … where do I start?

  1. If your love feels like this, you’re most likely in a relationship with someone who does not know what they want. If you make people feel like this, you’re most likely someone who’s in a relationship but does not know what you want.
  2. You don’t need to know why someone hurts you so bad. The only thing you need to understand is whether or not you are offending yourself by remaining in a relationship with someone who treats you in a manner less than you deserve or expect. I’m not saying that you should not address feelings and actions in your relationship. Communication is key and sometimes we all just need to talk it out. I AM SAYING that if you’re in a relationship … and it feels like a battlefield … because you are repeatedly telling someone that they are hurting you and yet, it’s still a fight to get your basic emotional and psychic needs met, there could be two issues. A. You may be an incredibly needy human being that is seeking to use your lover as the source of your happiness. B. Your lover may not be prepared or willing to handle your needs. Ok … maybe your there are 3 options. Maybe, in addition to the above, your lover does not like you. Either way … if you accept any of the above as the standard for interactions and relationship, you may just be playing yourself like a silly heaux.
  3. Stop asking so many questions rooted in the feelings of an external source. Period. Cut it out. It doesn’t matter whether you’re standing in their way or you’re the best thing they’ve ever had? Your lover is responsible for figuring those things out and acting accordingly. You are responsible for you. If someone is hurting you, your main concern should be whether they’re standing in your way. In addition, stop asking questions that don’t matter. It doesn’t matter if they’re the best you’ve ever had. Are they the best you’ll ever get? Like … just because you’ve only ridden in canoes doesn’t mean yachts don’t exist. Are we following?

Grand. That means I’ve at least got you hooked until next week.

In the meantime, Be Your Own Girlfriend. If your deepest desires for love have not presented themselves to you. Don’t settle. Keep desiring. Keep growing. It’s coming.

With <3,

khoLi.



Comments [6]

SillyBeagle's picture

Thank you.

This has been a very surreal, yet much needed reality check. 

Thank you.

kholi's picture

I'm so glad ...

it touched you. It means a lot that folks are in need of the words I need as well. Because I write it for you guys ... But so often it's a convo with myself. <3 Appreciate you.

SillyBeagle's picture

D'you mind...

If I print this out and keep it around as a 'handy reminder'? 

(hugs)

kholi's picture

Print it ...

share it ... post it everywhere. 

it may please you to know that the first book is actually a small "guide" ... so ... we're all on the same page with where it's going. <3

please, continue to share your thoughts as more writing comes. i'd greatly appreciate it.

kholi's picture

Marcie, thank you!

And thank everyone else for the support ... well, the FB and Twitter feedback! Can't wait until next week!

Marcie Bianco's picture

Prob the best thing I've read

Kholi, for a queer you're quite excellent at the straight talk.