Ditch the Drama OR A Friendly “L Word” Reminder

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Ditch the Drama OR A Friendly “L Word” Reminder

I’m really struggling with what to write today. I know that this comes when there’s a thing to be said that I don’t necessarily feel ready to say (read: when I type something and give it to you loves as truth, I have to be ready to internalize and act that out in my everyday life).

Remember last week’s post when I said …

What I’m saying is … sometimes … learned cynicism kicks in and tells us, “This isn’t real. This isn’t how it’s supposed to happen. This isn’t when it’s supposed to happen. This isn’t as I’ve outlined it in my head so it must not be right. Even if it is right, it’s uncomfortable, so I don’t want it.”

And then I said …

… do the women that you terrorize with your indecisive, over or under emotional, complicated for no gosh-darned reason behaviors a break …

Well … as always, those words lead to a bit of a discussion.

The most interesting question I received:

“But, what if she really needs me to help her change?”

Before I even really get into how this question irritates me … let me just take us on a quick sprint down memory lane.

Remember the episode of “The L Word” when Alice meets Clea and decides to pseudo-cheat on Tasha?

Remember how immediately after Alice kisses Clea, Alice asks Clea if she’s ever cheated on anyone and they have this petite exchange?

Alice: What did you do?

Clea: I ... had a really great love affair. But I broke someone's heart, and I caused a lot of general chaos and destruction…

Alice: Yeah. … My friend Helena says, "Whatever starts in chaos, ends in chaos."

Even if you don’t remember the scene, the importance of this sweet reminisce is the fact that Helena is right.


And Helena is not the first person to say it, but: “What begins in chaos, ends in chaos.”

Now let’s back up.

You have a significant other, correct? Or a potential significant other? Or multiple people who could potentially turn significant other?

This person (or people) may not be intentionally causing chaos or destruction in your life. You may not be intentionally cheating on them with a “not as hot” girl during a random day



Comments [2]

Jenny Aisenberg's picture

good advice

thanks for the gentle reminders, k-- I know I spent a lot more time in my last relationship taking care of her needs than meeting my own. it took me a long-ass time to really see that, and stand up for myself and my own needs! definitely a healthy reminder for ALL of us, on a regular basis Wink

"We're all born naked. The rest is drag."
--RuPaul (appropriating Judith Butler for the masses...)

kholi's picture

Jenny ...

that feeling ... we've ALL been there. I mean like .. even today .. I'm just trying to do better. thanks for hearing and receiving it. <3