Loco For LiLo

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Loco For LiLo

Have you ever been enraged? Has your anger ever motivated you to take action? Have you ever been so upset with the ways of the world that you’re ready to grab a sign and march up and down the street in protest? I’m rarely moved to such lengths but recent events have given me no choice. I’m starting a campaign. It’s time to correct an injustice of a most unforgiveable nature. LAPD, mediafreaks, you have incurred my wrath with your unrelenting harassment of my #3 crush! Stop fucking with Lindsay Lohan!

What's up, pussycat?

Before I get a bunch of comments hating on my girl Lindsay, let me just clarify: She’s not trashy, merely misunderstood.  She’s not a whore; she’s just social. She’s not a spoiled brat; she’s a product of shitty parenting. And most of all, she’s not an angry bitch; she’s just assertive. How do I know?

It all started Friday night. I had just finished stalking — I mean  watching Melissa Joan Hart do her thing at another taping of her hilarious sitcom, Melissa & Joey. Leaving Melissa made me a little depressed so it was time to get drunk and dance away the doldrums. For those unfamiliar with LA topography, West Hollywood is home for gays, so that’s where I was headed. To get to LA’s gayborhood, I had to traverse this deathtrap of a road called Laurel Canyon.

Laurel Canyon Dr. from the air. Hey, at least you'll die young and fabulous.

What the fuck is Laurel Canyon?! It’s a lot like a woman: pretty to look at, curvy as hell, and if you’re not careful, she’ll kill you. There I am: hands at ten and two, fearing for my life, when I notice two bright lights riding my ass! As soon as our single lane splits into two, she swerves to my right and pulls up beside me. I look over with my “Oh, no you didn’t!” face only to squeal, “OMG! It’s Lindsay!!”

I wasn’t going to let her pass without an engine fight. I kept up with her long enough to get a good look at Ms. Thing and I’m not gonna lie — I salivated. Once upon a time the sound of her name would have made me throw

Comments [8]

Robin Rigby's picture

You cracked me up with this

You cracked me up with this one.  I thought you said you 'met' Lindsay though.  Isn't that what you told me last week?  You and I apparently have a different definition of 'met'. Smile

Fallon Stone's picture

I think I said I had a

I think I said I had a Lindsay "encounter" which is accurate.

I doubt I used the word "met."

But I think Julia's right... our souls met (sort of) when our eyes never connected (she wouldn't even look over at me!)... I'm not mad at her though... I'm pretty sure my "OMG! It's Lindsay" face is kinda scary Wink


Now Follow me on Twitter! @FallonStone

Robin Rigby's picture

I'll check that FB chat

I'll check that FB chat transcript... Smile

I'm sure she couldn't look at you because it was such a deeply spiritual moment for her. She was undoubtedly overwhelmed by the whole experience.

Julia Watson's picture

She just meant that their

She just meant that their souls --er, eyes met across the distance from their respective car lanes.

MacLass_19's picture

How refreshing!

I giggled a bit, and enjoyed reading this. It's nice to read a story that isn't all about Lindsay bashing. BTW, I think that you two would make an awesome couple... she needs a caring and protective lover. Something tells me that you would be a perfect fit !!!!


Fallon Stone's picture


Hmm.. that's a much better campaign!! Me and Lindsay!! I like it! Smile

Now's the time to test out that amazing lesbian network. Someone's gotta know someone who knows someone who knows someone who knows Lindsay, right?!


Now Follow me on Twitter! @FallonStone

Calogero's picture

LiLo is definitely trying...

Just kidding, don't add me to your hit-list just yet. I agree that she is kind of fit and probably does deserve some slack, but starting a campaign for her is a tad excessive, no?!!

" Teachers teach and do the world good, Kings just rule and most are never understood "

Grace Moon's picture

i think her

dad should really sport a t-shirt that reads "two french fries away from a happy meal"

hahah that is such a great line!

tweet tweet @gracemoon