At first glance, I found this a straightforward question, ie. do you break-up with people or do they break-up with you? But perhaps in my efforts to fall asleep and my inability to turn my brain off I have found myself thinking this is a more complicated question. Perhaps there is a continuum of heart broken to heart breaker. It seems break-ups of serious relationships are multifacetted and I believe that at least a) a little piece of each party's heart is broken at the end of a relationship and b) I have observed too many times a cowardly heart breaker, where they just do stupid things until whomever they're with breaks-up with them. (Once had a friend say to me "Maybe if I cheat on her she'd break-up with me"). All in all maybe I should just try and get to sleep.
My last girlfriend took the coward's way out and cheated on me rather than ending it, forcing me to finally call it quits (I counted that on the brokenhearted tally). Girlfriend number 2 I think now (though I didn't think so at the time) was pushing me away for a long time before she finally broke up with me. Or maybe she really was just crazy.
As for the heart breaking either way part (and expanding on what Steph was saying too) I ended it with girlfriend number 1 and it was incredibly heart breaking. We were together a long time (6 years) and as much as I did (and still do) love her it wasn't the right relationship for either one of us and I finally had to call it quits. I can't explain how hard that was. Suffice to say she's been the most important woman in my life so far, so breaking her heart was the worst thing I've ever done. For both of us.
One, of many things, that separates the heartbroken, from the heartbreaker, is a full and giving heart. If you're heartbroken, in an odd way, it's almost a blessing... It's your heart telling you that you're alive, and you have something of value to share and give to the right woman. Your heart.
A heartbreaker? She knows how to use, and hurt another woman. A heart? I doubt that she knows what it is....
Well, I think it takes an even bigger and caring heart to end a relationship that's isn't quite working for one (or both) of the parties--if it's done with kindness.
Let me take a moment to clarify my comment for you. I was referring to Canada's statement concerning a "cowardly heart breaker".... I certainly was not speaking of a 'normal', equally committed relationship, where both honestly share their love, and then unfortunately on occasion - a painful breakup happens.
I hope that explains my statement. I'm not some sort of cold heartless woman, as someone else who commented in a very derogatory fashion, may have eluded to...
Thanks for the clarification, because it didn't make sense given that (for me) the thrust of Canada's comment was about the 'continuum' and most of the people commenting took a rather nuanced approach, which made for a thoughtful discussion.
A heartbreaker? She knows how to use, and hurt another woman. A heart? I doubt that she knows what it is....
What an overly simplistic, asinine statement. Did you read the comments below? Do you have a clue what it's like to have to break the heart of someone you love? Knowing full well that what you're doing is the best thing for both of you but that it is none the less painful? Who doesn't have a heart?
Have you heard that song 'Heartbreaker' by P!NK? Sums it up. I got serious commitment issues after my first relationship...I mean I can't even commit to a phone service or phone number. That's not a joke...it's funny...but it's true.
The first relationship I was in, she cheated on me with 13 people that I know of and blamed it on being a 'sex addict' We had amazing sex, too, so it wasn't about not being satisfied in bed. She's nuts. Put sugar in my gas tank AND stabbed my truck with a knife. Makes me laugh because it was the same year, make and model of Shane's truck in season 1 of the L Word. Anyway, that was just the beginning of the many cruel things she did after we split. Did I say she was completely nuts? She still stalks me and we've been apart living in different states for over 12 years! I moved 400 miles away and had a birthday party and overheard someone talking about fucking her. It was 2 years after we had broken up. I mean?
I'm so glad we broke up. I was heartbroken..but it was a great blessing.
I'm so sorry. It must have been a daunting experience to have had your first, serious relationship, be one that emotionally tore you apart...
Olivia, her serial cheating had very little, if anything, to do with sex. Judging by her continued irrational behavior, it sounds like she feeds off of controlling women, not loving them. You know that you were not responsible for her philandering, right?
I'm curious Olivia. Did you find out about her cheating, and continue to stay with her? If so, was your hope that she might change?
Sometimes I think that when we love someone deeply, it becomes difficult to see when that person is hurting us. Maybe it's a survival instinct, I'm not sure. You know, a way of saving ourselves from the pain that's so deep that we feel that we couldn't go on without them [somewhat like Pink's song you were referring to - I read the lyrics].
We all deserve better than to allow anyone to put us in that emotional space where we question our reason for living, or loving. In a perfect world, love would never hurt.... But, I guess if we didn't hurt - we won't be human.
"I was heartbroken..but it was a great blessing."
That's exactly what I meant when I was commenting to Canada. And, I truly believe it... Some of our most painful experiences are the ones that teach us the most about ourselves. By any measure, and in an odd way - it is a blessing.
This is somewhat off track - I remember the day I came out, and I told my Mother I was a lesbian. I was really young, and she was incredibly supportive. She told me that I would get my heart broken, but to never let it be a negative lesson. She told me that God loved me, and would guide me through any pain that I might experience. I still believe that.
My Mother was bisexual. She understood that knowing how to love, and give of ourselves to another person, was something that we should never be afraid to do - even if there is ensuing heartbreak[and I'm sure she experienced that]....And in her memory, I've never refused to open my heart. It can hurt, but it can also be the most awesome experience that we'll ever know.
She builds you up to knock you down. After I left her she'd follow me around to different places and tell me I was nasty and nobody would ever want to touch me again. Real mind-fuck. It did lower my self-esteem, but I took her power away.
The first time I caught her cheating was devastating; I was 17, so...I did take her back after 2 weeks but it wasn't the same. After someone cheats on you...it's different and it hurts. The next time I caught her, it was over. She had taken off from a party we were at for a 'cruise' with the first girl she messed around with and while she was gone, I decorated her car with with the neighbors trash. (GAY DRAMA)
They pulled up; I pull her out and the chick almost pissed herself when I got in the car and said, "you need to learn to not touch things that don't belong to you." I backed out of her car and she speed away. Then, I shamefully slapped (back-handed) my girlfriend across the face (in front of whole party) and left. I hit her and felt awful and put myself through counseling. Never felt that urge to hurt someone, ever.Haven't done it again--
She ended seeing that female for a couple-of-week relationship, and I happened to place myself alone with her new girl friend for a few hours. IT took me 45 minutes to get her to 'open up' to me. She was primed and ready and I walked away with a smile. My ex-was pissed when I told her not to be too proud of herself--because what took her 2 weeks, took me 45 minutes.
Yeah, I was young and it felt good at the time.
I don't know how much I believe in love, anymore. Not because of just her..but a few that followed. I disconnect and play it safe. BUT I have to find out why I attract situations like this before I just keep doing it over and over...b/c that gets old. And so does the meaningless sex.
Your mom sounds cool. I just kinda came out about being bisexual. I really thought I was a lesbian that just like to have sex with men once in awhile-ha! Everybody else seemed to know but me...odd. :)
I guess I was lucky to be able to avoid too much 'lesbian' drama when I was 17. But, I was a college geek, and didn't have much time for anyone who fucked with my head.
Geez, I can totally understand the emotion that would motivate you to slap her, you must have been furious. I've been close, but I've never done it. When possible, I walk away. I'm not really a confrontational person. When I was a kid, I stuttered, so defending myself was something that took me a while to learn how to do. Every bully in school knew exactly who to take out their frustrations out on - me. Hah, I'm still not very good at it.
Olivia, love is such a powerful emotion - a full body and mind experience. It's easy to deny ourselves what we feel we don't deserve. Trust is probably the most difficult obstacle for you right now, shit, without trust, there's no way to give.....IMO, the fear of being hurt has got to be the worst, and probably one of the most destructive, emotions possible. It cripples us from growing, from giving, and receiving...
My gf goes through times of insecurity, she's been hurt in the past. We sit down and talk about it. The weird thing is, she's a doctor and anyone would think - damn, she must be a rock. But, no. It's not like that. Trust, and insecurity are all a part of the human experience. It doesn't matter if we're gay, straight, or bi.... trust is one of the only instruments that gives us the latitude to grow into ourselves, to be authentic to who we are.
"I don't know how much I believe in love, anymore. Not because of just her..but a few that followed. I disconnect and play it safe."
You are so refreshingly honest Olivia. I really believe that you already know why you disconnect, maybe it's the fear of knowing that scares you? Sometimes my gf has to hit me on top of my head, metaphorically speaking, before I see what's right in front of me.
**BTW,Thanks for the comment about my Mother. She was the most influential woman in my life... I learned to grow, without fear, because of her experiences.
[edit to add] I hope I don't sound too preachy. I don't mean to. Feel free to tell me to shut up....
First, let me say that my gf and I had become friends before we became lovers.... and, like most close friends, we shared our life experiences openly.
She was, as she likes to say now, in emotional transition. Even though I was physically attracted to her, I respected our friendship, and fully understood the lines that shouldn't be crossed. You see, she was living her life as a straight girl. She was engaged to be married.
Even though I was aware of her questions concerning her sexuality, because she discussed that with me often, I never felt as though it was my place to step in between her, and the man she believed herself to be in love with, and put any undue influence on her.
Well, as her relationship continued with him, she chose to talk about her insecurities with me..... and along with that, she revealed to me that he had cheated on her. Not just once, but several times. Damn, I got pissed! She didn't deserve to be treated like that. I'm like, wtf!! For God's sake, they weren't even married yet, and he was already disrespecting her.
So, with her revelations concerning his infidelity, I asked her to open up about our past conversations concerning her sexuality. I needed her to be honest with me. I guess I didn't understand why she was going to marry a guy who had not only hurt her, but didn't even care that he had. It was almost as though he felt that it was his prerogative, some sort of right of passage as her future, controlling husband.
To make a long story short[er], she broke down during one of our 'girl talks', and after several years of friendship, she told me that she believed she was a lesbian, but didn't understand what she was feeling..... I didn't want to influence her decisions, and told her that she needed to talk with a professional about what she was going through - and she did. I was so proud of her. You know Canada, I watched her grow, and in a matter of months she seemed confident and fairly sure of herself. Of course, she courageously called off the wedding, and we became closer than ever...
Well, we've been in a committed relationship for over 10 years. She still occasionally deals with her insecurities, and the repercussions from so much hurt in her past.
Because I'm deeply in love with her, it's been incumbent on me to to remember what she's experienced in her other relationships. Everyone she had been with, cheated. Every once in a while, she remembers the hurt - and we'll talk about it. Nothing is off base in our discussions. She's knows that my shoulder is there for her, and I'm not going anywhere.
Canada, being hurt and the lack of trust that comes with it, has nothing to do with sexual orientation. As you know, there are gay and straight women who are serial cheaters, and gay and straight men who are. I firmly believe that their issues, and their inability to commit to honesty in a relationship, has nothing to do with their partner.... it goes much deeper than that. We should never blame ourselves.
I'm not sure that I answered your question, I have a tendency to ramble, but I hope it helped...
Maclass, I appreciate you being so open and honest about your experiences. My ex-gf had insecurity issues and I always tried to communicate to her that I was always open to talking and there for her, but I wasn't fully successful. Hopefully one day she'll feel comfortable enough to open up to whomever she is with.
I hope that you can eventually find comfort in knowing that you offered her a safe place...it was her choice to not accept it. You know, there are some people who just can't fully connect with another person. When their issues weigh so heavy on their heart, evading the truth is the easiest traveled road.
You have a beautiful heart Canada, I'm sure that eventually she'll understand what she lost.
a lot of people with insecurity issues are so used to being treated like shit, that they don't respond to being treated well. They don't trust it. They trust in what they know and it's really hard for them to let their guard down.
I think it was a hidden single in one of her albums. I stumbled upon it and was like, "wow". I love P!NK. She sings, I listen. I would love to see her concert throwing glitter in the air. Her body is amazing and she doesn't conform to what society things a woman should be; she's herself and gives the middle finger if you don't like it.
The Oscars had a new director, and several new producers this year..... Their inexperience, producing a show of this magnitude, was obvious on many different levels.
I think Bea Aurthur only did one film - Mame. I'll check on Farrah, but her best/most well-known movies, like The Burning Bed and Small Sacrifices, were done for TV and she was honored on the Emmy's. (Both of those performances were incredible and deserved Emmys.)
"When you look for the bad in mankind expecting to find it, you surely will." ~ Pollyanna
I understand what you mean. There was an article on HuffPo that talked about having to make tough choices and Farrah (but not Bea) was a tough one. Apparently it wasn't an oversight; it was a matter of not making the final cut.
"When you look for the bad in mankind expecting to find it, you surely will." ~ Pollyanna
I've been on both sides, and they both suck, though I have to say if you're the heartbroken you'll get more shoulders to cry on and get to eat more chocolate guilt-free.
The local news this morning had a story about a study showing that for women, drinking 2 to 3 glasses of wine per day helps you lose weight. I need to stock up.
but i always manage to find out that they're the codependent type well after we've become monogamous, so that means at that point there's something to end. i suppose with age you find less of these people (as they mature) and i also become better at picking them. haha
Yep, although I probably should have said my experience is based on a fairly small sample size! I think that sometimes being the heart breaker is even worse than being the heart broken as you have the guilt on top of everything else.....
What surprised me when I split up with my ex is how heart wrenchingly painful it was even though the relationship was so wrong on so many levels. So I think in that respect both hearts break no matter who calls it to an end....
That's a really good point. I think the only time the person doing the breaking up doesn't get hurt in some way is when they are playing. I've been played a few times and it sucks.
the heart breaker is WAY worse! because if you're the heart broken you're allowed to have bitter feelings to help you get over it, whereas the heart breaker just has, yep you're right...guilt! also, i feel that in a couple cases i stayed in the relationship longer because i had convinced myself that it might work, but in hindsight i was convincing myself this just because i didn't want to endure the emotional hardship of hurting someone.
I couldn't have put it better myself - I should have broken up with my ex a year before I did but I didn't because, fundamentally, I didn't want to endure the pain of hurting her. I convinced myself I was doing the honourable thing but in actual fact I was just being selfish. In reality I hurt her way more as I behaved pretty badly in that last year.....
Comments [48]
Is this dichotomous?
At first glance, I found this a straightforward question, ie. do you break-up with people or do they break-up with you? But perhaps in my efforts to fall asleep and my inability to turn my brain off I have found myself thinking this is a more complicated question. Perhaps there is a continuum of heart broken to heart breaker. It seems break-ups of serious relationships are multifacetted and I believe that at least a) a little piece of each party's heart is broken at the end of a relationship and b) I have observed too many times a cowardly heart breaker, where they just do stupid things until whomever they're with breaks-up with them. (Once had a friend say to me "Maybe if I cheat on her she'd break-up with me"). All in all maybe I should just try and get to sleep.
-heart broken
My last girlfriend took the
My last girlfriend took the coward's way out and cheated on me rather than ending it, forcing me to finally call it quits (I counted that on the brokenhearted tally). Girlfriend number 2 I think now (though I didn't think so at the time) was pushing me away for a long time before she finally broke up with me. Or maybe she really was just crazy.
As for the heart breaking either way part (and expanding on what Steph was saying too) I ended it with girlfriend number 1 and it was incredibly heart breaking. We were together a long time (6 years) and as much as I did (and still do) love her it wasn't the right relationship for either one of us and I finally had to call it quits. I can't explain how hard that was. Suffice to say she's been the most important woman in my life so far, so breaking her heart was the worst thing I've ever done. For both of us.
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Canada, in your dreams - remember...
One, of many things, that separates the heartbroken, from the heartbreaker, is a full and giving heart. If you're heartbroken, in an odd way, it's almost a blessing... It's your heart telling you that you're alive, and you have something of value to share and give to the right woman. Your heart.
A heartbreaker? She knows how to use, and hurt another woman. A heart? I doubt that she knows what it is....
Sleep well.
Well, I think it takes an
Well, I think it takes an even bigger and caring heart to end a relationship that's isn't quite working for one (or both) of the parties--if it's done with kindness.
I can see in certain
I can see in certain situations the one who ends the realtionship does it with a caring heart.
Hi Mystics....
Let me take a moment to clarify my comment for you. I was referring to Canada's statement concerning a "cowardly heart breaker".... I certainly was not speaking of a 'normal', equally committed relationship, where both honestly share their love, and then unfortunately on occasion - a painful breakup happens.
I hope that explains my statement. I'm not some sort of cold heartless woman, as someone else who commented in a very derogatory fashion, may have eluded to...
Thanks.
Thanks for the clarification,
Thanks for the clarification, because it didn't make sense given that (for me) the thrust of Canada's comment was about the 'continuum' and most of the people commenting took a rather nuanced approach, which made for a thoughtful discussion.
A heartbreaker? She knows how
A heartbreaker? She knows how to use, and hurt another woman. A heart? I doubt that she knows what it is....
What an overly simplistic, asinine statement. Did you read the comments below? Do you have a clue what it's like to have to break the heart of someone you love? Knowing full well that what you're doing is the best thing for both of you but that it is none the less painful? Who doesn't have a heart?
Become a fan of "Sodomy: The Musical" on Facebook!
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Hey
That's how I feel Robin, we all have different experiences.
Please, keep your insults to yourself...
Hey Mac
Have you heard that song 'Heartbreaker' by P!NK? Sums it up. I got serious commitment issues after my first relationship...I mean I can't even commit to a phone service or phone number. That's not a joke...it's funny...but it's true.
The first relationship I was in, she cheated on me with 13 people that I know of and blamed it on being a 'sex addict' We had amazing sex, too, so it wasn't about not being satisfied in bed. She's nuts. Put sugar in my gas tank AND stabbed my truck with a knife. Makes me laugh because it was the same year, make and model of Shane's truck in season 1 of the L Word. Anyway, that was just the beginning of the many cruel things she did after we split. Did I say she was completely nuts? She still stalks me and we've been apart living in different states for over 12 years! I moved 400 miles away and had a birthday party and overheard someone talking about fucking her. It was 2 years after we had broken up. I mean?
I'm so glad we broke up. I was heartbroken..but it was a great blessing.
http://fallingfromtrains.com
Damn Olivia...
I'm so sorry. It must have been a daunting experience to have had your first, serious relationship, be one that emotionally tore you apart...
Olivia, her serial cheating had very little, if anything, to do with sex. Judging by her continued irrational behavior, it sounds like she feeds off of controlling women, not loving them. You know that you were not responsible for her philandering, right?
I'm curious Olivia. Did you find out about her cheating, and continue to stay with her? If so, was your hope that she might change?
Sometimes I think that when we love someone deeply, it becomes difficult to see when that person is hurting us. Maybe it's a survival instinct, I'm not sure. You know, a way of saving ourselves from the pain that's so deep that we feel that we couldn't go on without them [somewhat like Pink's song you were referring to - I read the lyrics].
We all deserve better than to allow anyone to put us in that emotional space where we question our reason for living, or loving. In a perfect world, love would never hurt.... But, I guess if we didn't hurt - we won't be human.
"I was heartbroken..but it was a great blessing."
That's exactly what I meant when I was commenting to Canada. And, I truly believe it... Some of our most painful experiences are the ones that teach us the most about ourselves. By any measure, and in an odd way - it is a blessing.
This is somewhat off track - I remember the day I came out, and I told my Mother I was a lesbian. I was really young, and she was incredibly supportive. She told me that I would get my heart broken, but to never let it be a negative lesson. She told me that God loved me, and would guide me through any pain that I might experience. I still believe that.
My Mother was bisexual. She understood that knowing how to love, and give of ourselves to another person, was something that we should never be afraid to do - even if there is ensuing heartbreak[and I'm sure she experienced that]....And in her memory, I've never refused to open my heart. It can hurt, but it can also be the most awesome experience that we'll ever know.
Yup
She builds you up to knock you down. After I left her she'd follow me around to different places and tell me I was nasty and nobody would ever want to touch me again. Real mind-fuck. It did lower my self-esteem, but I took her power away.
The first time I caught her cheating was devastating; I was 17, so...I did take her back after 2 weeks but it wasn't the same. After someone cheats on you...it's different and it hurts. The next time I caught her, it was over. She had taken off from a party we were at for a 'cruise' with the first girl she messed around with and while she was gone, I decorated her car with with the neighbors trash. (GAY DRAMA)
They pulled up; I pull her out and the chick almost pissed herself when I got in the car and said, "you need to learn to not touch things that don't belong to you." I backed out of her car and she speed away. Then, I shamefully slapped (back-handed) my girlfriend across the face (in front of whole party) and left. I hit her and felt awful and put myself through counseling. Never felt that urge to hurt someone, ever.Haven't done it again--
She ended seeing that female for a couple-of-week relationship, and I happened to place myself alone with her new girl friend for a few hours. IT took me 45 minutes to get her to 'open up' to me. She was primed and ready and I walked away with a smile. My ex-was pissed when I told her not to be too proud of herself--because what took her 2 weeks, took me 45 minutes.
Yeah, I was young and it felt good at the time.
I don't know how much I believe in love, anymore. Not because of just her..but a few that followed. I disconnect and play it safe. BUT I have to find out why I attract situations like this before I just keep doing it over and over...b/c that gets old. And so does the meaningless sex.
Your mom sounds cool. I just kinda came out about being bisexual. I really thought I was a lesbian that just like to have sex with men once in awhile-ha! Everybody else seemed to know but me...odd. :)
http://fallingfromtrains.com
You may be stronger than you give yourself credit for.....
I guess I was lucky to be able to avoid too much 'lesbian' drama when I was 17. But, I was a college geek, and didn't have much time for anyone who fucked with my head.
Geez, I can totally understand the emotion that would motivate you to slap her, you must have been furious. I've been close, but I've never done it. When possible, I walk away. I'm not really a confrontational person. When I was a kid, I stuttered, so defending myself was something that took me a while to learn how to do. Every bully in school knew exactly who to take out their frustrations out on - me. Hah, I'm still not very good at it.
Olivia, love is such a powerful emotion - a full body and mind experience. It's easy to deny ourselves what we feel we don't deserve. Trust is probably the most difficult obstacle for you right now, shit, without trust, there's no way to give.....IMO, the fear of being hurt has got to be the worst, and probably one of the most destructive, emotions possible. It cripples us from growing, from giving, and receiving...
My gf goes through times of insecurity, she's been hurt in the past. We sit down and talk about it. The weird thing is, she's a doctor and anyone would think - damn, she must be a rock. But, no. It's not like that. Trust, and insecurity are all a part of the human experience. It doesn't matter if we're gay, straight, or bi.... trust is one of the only instruments that gives us the latitude to grow into ourselves, to be authentic to who we are.
"I don't know how much I believe in love, anymore. Not because of just her..but a few that followed. I disconnect and play it safe."
You are so refreshingly honest Olivia. I really believe that you already know why you disconnect, maybe it's the fear of knowing that scares you? Sometimes my gf has to hit me on top of my head, metaphorically speaking, before I see what's right in front of me.
**BTW,Thanks for the comment about my Mother. She was the most influential woman in my life... I learned to grow, without fear, because of her experiences.
[edit to add] I hope I don't sound too preachy. I don't mean to. Feel free to tell me to shut up....
May I ask?
I was wondering if you could further elaborate on this statement:
"My gf goes through times of insecurity, she's been hurt in the past. We sit down and talk about it."
What was your gf insecure about? Just wondering if I have a similar situation and trying to understand.
Sure, I'll try to explain....
First, let me say that my gf and I had become friends before we became lovers.... and, like most close friends, we shared our life experiences openly.
She was, as she likes to say now, in emotional transition. Even though I was physically attracted to her, I respected our friendship, and fully understood the lines that shouldn't be crossed. You see, she was living her life as a straight girl. She was engaged to be married.
Even though I was aware of her questions concerning her sexuality, because she discussed that with me often, I never felt as though it was my place to step in between her, and the man she believed herself to be in love with, and put any undue influence on her.
Well, as her relationship continued with him, she chose to talk about her insecurities with me..... and along with that, she revealed to me that he had cheated on her. Not just once, but several times. Damn, I got pissed! She didn't deserve to be treated like that. I'm like, wtf!! For God's sake, they weren't even married yet, and he was already disrespecting her.
So, with her revelations concerning his infidelity, I asked her to open up about our past conversations concerning her sexuality. I needed her to be honest with me. I guess I didn't understand why she was going to marry a guy who had not only hurt her, but didn't even care that he had. It was almost as though he felt that it was his prerogative, some sort of right of passage as her future, controlling husband.
To make a long story short[er], she broke down during one of our 'girl talks', and after several years of friendship, she told me that she believed she was a lesbian, but didn't understand what she was feeling..... I didn't want to influence her decisions, and told her that she needed to talk with a professional about what she was going through - and she did. I was so proud of her. You know Canada, I watched her grow, and in a matter of months she seemed confident and fairly sure of herself. Of course, she courageously called off the wedding, and we became closer than ever...
Well, we've been in a committed relationship for over 10 years. She still occasionally deals with her insecurities, and the repercussions from so much hurt in her past.
Because I'm deeply in love with her, it's been incumbent on me to to remember what she's experienced in her other relationships. Everyone she had been with, cheated. Every once in a while, she remembers the hurt - and we'll talk about it. Nothing is off base in our discussions. She's knows that my shoulder is there for her, and I'm not going anywhere.
Canada, being hurt and the lack of trust that comes with it, has nothing to do with sexual orientation. As you know, there are gay and straight women who are serial cheaters, and gay and straight men who are. I firmly believe that their issues, and their inability to commit to honesty in a relationship, has nothing to do with their partner.... it goes much deeper than that. We should never blame ourselves.
I'm not sure that I answered your question, I have a tendency to ramble, but I hope it helped...
thanks for the ramble
Maclass, I appreciate you being so open and honest about your experiences. My ex-gf had insecurity issues and I always tried to communicate to her that I was always open to talking and there for her, but I wasn't fully successful. Hopefully one day she'll feel comfortable enough to open up to whomever she is with.
I respect your courage to discuss such a personal issue...
I hope that you can eventually find comfort in knowing that you offered her a safe place...it was her choice to not accept it. You know, there are some people who just can't fully connect with another person. When their issues weigh so heavy on their heart, evading the truth is the easiest traveled road.
You have a beautiful heart Canada, I'm sure that eventually she'll understand what she lost.
You know...
a lot of people with insecurity issues are so used to being treated like shit, that they don't respond to being treated well. They don't trust it. They trust in what they know and it's really hard for them to let their guard down.
http://fallingfromtrains.com
Not Preachy
Nah--you're just fine--:)
I think I'm honest to a fault, at times.
http://fallingfromtrains.com
Olivia
I'm going to go listen to it...
LOVE Heartbreaker
That song's a quiet achiever - I don't think P!nk even did a video for it.
"Are you my greatest love, or disappointment in my life"?!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q8-AglsEvvU
'maybe you want me for the
'maybe you want me for the ride'
My straight-girl sex mantra.
http://fallingfromtrains.com
Joanne
I think it was a hidden single in one of her albums. I stumbled upon it and was like, "wow". I love P!NK. She sings, I listen. I would love to see her concert throwing glitter in the air. Her body is amazing and she doesn't conform to what society things a woman should be; she's herself and gives the middle finger if you don't like it.
http://fallingfromtrains.com
I never did ask ...
MacLass - how did you feel about Farrah Fawcett being left out of the Oscar Memorium? ... I thought it was a glaring omission
and Bea Arthur ... wtf.
Joanne, I agree. It was a terrible decision.
The Oscars had a new director, and several new producers this year..... Their inexperience, producing a show of this magnitude, was obvious on many different levels.
What?
They left Farah and Bea Arthur out? That's not cool...
http://fallingfromtrains.com
yeah
they might have been well known in teevee pop culture, but they also did film. They should have been included.
I think Bea Aurthur only did
I think Bea Aurthur only did one film - Mame. I'll check on Farrah, but her best/most well-known movies, like The Burning Bed and Small Sacrifices, were done for TV and she was honored on the Emmy's. (Both of those performances were incredible and deserved Emmys.)
"When you look for the bad in mankind expecting to find it, you surely will." ~ Pollyanna
Then they
should've thrown them a bone ... It just didn't feel right.
I know
I understand what you mean. There was an article on HuffPo that talked about having to make tough choices and Farrah (but not Bea) was a tough one. Apparently it wasn't an oversight; it was a matter of not making the final cut.
"When you look for the bad in mankind expecting to find it, you surely will." ~ Pollyanna
If I was the heartbreaker, I
If I was the heartbreaker, I didn't know it... I know I've had my heart broken several times over...I'd do it all again, too.
Better to have loved and
Better to have loved and lost... Right?
Love is always worth it!
Love is always worth it!
"Only a fool can fall in love, for only a fool would risk breaking his heart, to free his heart. What a fool am I." ~ @TheGodLight (twitter)
Yes it is!
Absolutely!
I've been on both sides, and
I've been on both sides, and they both suck, though I have to say if you're the heartbroken you'll get more shoulders to cry on and get to eat more chocolate guilt-free.
Great News!
The local news this morning had a story about a study showing that for women, drinking 2 to 3 glasses of wine per day helps you lose weight. I need to stock up.
Become a fan of "Sodomy: The Musical" on Facebook!
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Sodomy-The-Musical/302006935414
I identify
as more of a beatboxer than heartbroken or a heartbreaker
Lots of love.
Two out of three times I have
Two out of three times I have been the heartbroken.
Become a fan of "Sodomy: The Musical" on Facebook!
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Sodomy-The-Musical/302006935414
Always the heart
Always the heart breaker.........(but I am a nice person, honest!!!!)
me too
but i always manage to find out that they're the codependent type well after we've become monogamous, so that means at that point there's something to end. i suppose with age you find less of these people (as they mature) and i also become better at picking them. haha
Yep, although I probably
Yep, although I probably should have said my experience is based on a fairly small sample size! I think that sometimes being the heart breaker is even worse than being the heart broken as you have the guilt on top of everything else.....
It can also mean you're
It can also mean you're healthier and know when to walk away when something isn't right. I've had my heart broken 3 out of 4 times.
"Fight Prime Time. Read a Book"
What surprised me when I
What surprised me when I split up with my ex is how heart wrenchingly painful it was even though the relationship was so wrong on so many levels. So I think in that respect both hearts break no matter who calls it to an end....
That's a really good point.
That's a really good point. I think the only time the person doing the breaking up doesn't get hurt in some way is when they are playing. I've been played a few times and it sucks.
"Fight Prime Time. Read a Book"
I don't get players, I really
I don't get players, I really don't.
the heart breaker is WAY
the heart breaker is WAY worse! because if you're the heart broken you're allowed to have bitter feelings to help you get over it, whereas the heart breaker just has, yep you're right...guilt! also, i feel that in a couple cases i stayed in the relationship longer because i had convinced myself that it might work, but in hindsight i was convincing myself this just because i didn't want to endure the emotional hardship of hurting someone.
I couldn't have put it better
I couldn't have put it better myself - I should have broken up with my ex a year before I did but I didn't because, fundamentally, I didn't want to endure the pain of hurting her. I convinced myself I was doing the honourable thing but in actual fact I was just being selfish. In reality I hurt her way more as I behaved pretty badly in that last year.....
yeah, the point of no
yeah, the point of no return...it just keeps getting worse...