Open Thread: May 14, 2010

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what are some deal beakers when it comes to a relationship?



Comments [63]

Robin Rigby's picture

I'm going to add that I hate

I'm going to add that I hate cheap people.  You know when you go out for dinner at a restaurant and there's that one person who wants to give a crappy tip?  Or they question every single charge on the bill?  Or (worse) they want to divide the bill up with the rest of the party down to the last penny?  Hate that.  I'm a generous tipper when I eat out, I also don't care about bill splitting particulars- divide it equally and be done.  So what if you pay a little more this time?  It's karma baby, it'll all come back around to you eventually.  

That kind of behavior tells you something about how they'll treat you in a relationship.  The best lovers are generous- giving without expecting anything in return.  

Steph's picture

I am so totally with you on

I am so totally with you on this!!

Not2Taem's picture

I get the bill splitting

I get the bill splitting peeve, with a caveat. I try to remain conscious of people with tight budgets who rarely have the ability to splurge and may be ordering the cheapest thing on the menu for a reason. If they are paying cash, I try to decrease the discomfort by saying that I don't have cash for a tip and asking them if they can leave a tip for the both I'll put the meals on my credit card. Most of us have been through lean times at some point.

Bebi_Bebito's picture

just wondering

we are talking relationship deal breakers ( starting or maintaining )

some people have all kinds of lists and wishes and measurements  but do they really matter and if so how much.

mind over heart or heart over mind ?

how often does one fall for someone who ain't qualified according to our standards etc.?

is it good or is it bad ?

does what we think become more important then what we feel ? and/or should it ?

--------------------------------------------------------------

sometimes people  can / do change then what ?

Not2Taem's picture

Bebi,

I think for most of the folks with long lists, the ones that really bother them would prevent them from being attracted to the person in the first place. Once we start generating negative lists, all sorts of relatively unimportant things can creep onto them. So I'm going to bet that for the long winded folks at least some things on the list wouldn't seem so serious if they actually fell for the person.

Bebi_Bebito's picture

i bet

you might be right

LisaLisa's picture

I'd like to think I'm easy going, but...

in talking about someone I'm going to give up a substantial portion of waking hours to, I'm a discriminator! oops...

* Nasty or aggressive behavior; negative types, shit-stirrers.People who don't even attempt to consider other points of view before acting. Selfish, humorless, belittling, bullies. 

*Dirty/sloppy people. Honestly, it takes two minutes to wash a dish, a sec to pick up shoes, a quick swipe of a rag to keep things tidy. I don't understand people who let things pile up and stink when a few minutes a day means avoiding a whole lot of filth& aggro.

* Trashy family/friends. Someone posted obesity, sympathize, but don't want to sleep with it. That pretty much sums up this one. Even though it's easier to sympathize with trashy family, since unlike friends, you haven't really got a choice, I'm still not going anywhere near it.

*Needlessly competitive types. I think the catch phrase used to be compare and despair? lol. I've had my fill of this type. Ugh.I don't care if your job makes a few bucks more, your clothes came from some botique I can't pronounce and/or have never heard of. I don't care which weirdo cleanse diet you're on or what new hairdo you're sporting. Yes, your bar of choice is so much cooler, your scene so much more now. You're you, I'm me, so piss off! lol

   Just to sound a little extra nit-picky and put some obvious ones out there: drug and drink addicts; video game addicts; people who are easy and attention seeking; people who are mean to animals; people who dress animals up and buy them expensive things they don't give a shit about-because they're animals!; people who are stingy; charity-dodgers. And finally, my personal pet peeve...anti-intellectuals! people who glory in not having an education and/or see the university as being somehow removed from 'real people.'

Lol...sigh...so much for using 'easy going' as a selling point to potential dates. Oh well, at least I'll be crying into some fresh, lavender-sprinkled hankies.

 

Tex's picture

Fantastic!

My roommate wants to marry you!

Twitter Time @kdhales

LisaLisa's picture

Was it...

  The lavender infused linens?  or perhaps my unabashed dislike of doggie sweaters that sealed the deal? No matter. No reasonable offer refused! lol

Lake's picture

Hi!

I'm the roommate. Not so much the lavender as the two minutes to clean! So HOT!!!!!!!!!!

Smile

Lake

LisaLisa's picture

.

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Joanne Robertson's picture

.

.

ShadowCat's picture

ugh

SNORING, not liking seinfeld, having terrible taste in movies/music, whinning, "i don't read books", baby talk, telling me what to do or how to behave, being selfish, not knowing who jfk is but can name the person who designs the shoes with the red soles...

 

Tex's picture

deal breakers.....

dishonest....manipulative....nagging....prudish....dramatic....clingy....employment challenged....a dude....teetotaler....full of "s"....humorless....visionless....heartless....bigot....straight....hypocrite....chicken 's'....my ex....stalker....tacky....curseless....wordy....

Twitter Time @kdhales

Steph's picture

I'm teetotal but please don't

I'm teetotal but please don't hold it against me!

Tex's picture

For you, my dear...

http://www.winechateau.com/vsku1007083.html?utm_source=Google%20Products...

to your well being! How are you today, sweetheart?

Twitter Time @kdhales

Steph's picture

Thank you! I am remarkably

Thank you!
I am remarkably well thank you for asking? And you, my love?

Tex's picture

Fine, thank you....

and since you asked I have to admit a story.....glory be to the goddesses I've already had two BMs this morning! It had been three days - and you're speaking to a woman that is more regular than tick tock of the clock! You see, it all started when I tried one of those detox drinks. You know, the drinks that are supposed to cleanse you? Well, that drink combined with an 8 hour insurance class with a 2 hr drive daily for three days bound me up tighter than dick's hatband. Sensing my need for relief, my roomy went with me yesterday for the half day of drudgery. She took me to Starbucks in the morning, got me a greasy burger for lunch, and back to Happy Hour at Starbucks in the afternoon.....she brought me coffee in bed this morning and  fluidity has struck! I have never in all my life praised the movement of the bowels as I am this morning!   

Smile

Twitter Time @kdhales

Not2Taem's picture

There you go,

talkin' shit again. Say hi to the Porcelain Goddess for me.

Oh, and isn't SB happy hour grand? Almost as nice as being sandwiched between you to with you potty mouth.

Tex's picture

Vp Happy Hour!

Any time of the day!

Hell fire! That's a good slogan......

I have a SBUX Gold Card....does that impress you?

Twitter Time @kdhales

Not2Taem's picture

It depends.

Is it cute? I have some vintage cards that I keep reloading. I don't think they make the new credit cards in such cute designs.

Tex's picture

It's metallic gold with my name printed on it!

I have a Paul McCartney card! Have you ever gone to eBay and seen what those vintage cards are going for? It's amazing what people put worth on....you may have a SBUX card worth gold....while I have a SBUX gold card worth nothing!  

Twitter Time @kdhales

Not2Taem's picture

Who knew?

And here I thought I was just a strange duck. Recently the back came off of one of my favorite spring/summer cards and I was crushed. I can't reload it anymore, but I have an art project planned for it.

Steph's picture

3 days!! Good god that must

3 days!! Good god that must have been dreadful! I am also very regular, sometimes a bit too regular actually! I have a friend who hardly ever goes so sometimes I email her to say "I've just done a couple of 6 x 2's"!!
I can imagine your relief sweetheart!!

Tex's picture

hehehehhee

my roommate is the same way - once every two weeks! The funniest thing about this entire experience was that once I started the cleanse she's gone three times a day! Why, just yesterday, she came out of the "s" house and was actually giddy about her leavings! 

Twitter Time @kdhales

Robin Rigby's picture

That's quite the wordy list

That's quite the wordy list you posted. Smile

Tex's picture

Yo, Grace!

That new profile pic makes me laugh! 

Smile Contagious....

Twitter Time @kdhales

Not2Taem's picture

Don't bring the crazy!

Been there. Done that. Not going back.

Also not ready for Poly if it is a serious relationship. Not a problem for casual and everyone is fully informed and on the same page, though.

Julia Watson's picture

Sidenote: Greyson Chance is

Sidenote: Greyson Chance is trending on Twitter this evening. Hahahahaha.

Not2Taem's picture

?

What does "trending on Twitter" mean?

Julia Watson's picture

When you log into Twitter,

When you log into Twitter, the top ten words/phrases people are currently Tweeting about show up on the sidebar. Those hot topics are said to be "trending."

Robin Rigby's picture

I want to say- being a

I want to say- being a Republican, but am afraid that may be perceived as bigotry. Tongue

Bebi_Bebito's picture

Number 1 Deal Breaker to me

would be : having a relationship.

(can't break what you don't got)

minniesota's picture

Oatmeal

Did you know that a preference for oatmeal could almost be a deal breaker? I like Oatmeal. I especially like to eat Oatmeal for breakfast in the Winter.

I had a GF, who couldn't stand Oatmeal. I could not have any Oatmeal around her. She almost left me for my Oatmeal preference. Haha. The relationship did not work out but it was for a difference reason other than Oatmeal.

Still searching for the right brainy quote.

Not2Taem's picture

Minnie, it sounds like the

Minnie, it sounds like the oatmeal was a symptom of a deaper problem. Now if you were into cooking cabbage and that really stinky cheese first thing in the morning...

Steph's picture

Not worshipping Barbra

Not worshipping Barbra Streisand.

Tex's picture

Which are you?

The worshiper of Babs?

Twitter Time @kdhales

Steph's picture

Oh yes! LOVE her! If memory

Oh yes! LOVE her! If memory serves you do too?

Tex's picture

Good memory!

Do you remember this one?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cL7w7pGM284

Don Johnson! I can remember how surprised I was that he even attempted to sing with her. But then, he was flying high with Miami Vice and could do no wrong....until this!  

Smile

Twitter Time @kdhales

Steph's picture

Oh lord, I'd forgotten about

Oh lord, I'd forgotten about that! Why Babs, why?

Not2Taem's picture

I initially read that as

I initially read that as Babar, as in the elephant.  Oups

Steph's picture

Ha ha!! Not so worried about

Ha ha!!
Not so worried about Babar....!

geek4grammar's picture

passive aggression & bigotry

being passive-aggressive is a big one for me. don't say something's okay with you when it's really not, and then use it later as emotional blackmail. this really folds into the larger realm of good communication generally-- say what you mean, don't just say what you think people want to hear. especially people you're dating.

separately, bigots & racists of all stripes need not apply. I once went on a date w/ a girl who calmly explained to me that all the problems in the middle east stem from the fact that "palestinians are just psychotic and irrational." yep. and black people are lazy, jews are good with money, and the chinese make great dry-cleaners...I didn't say any of this at the time, just sipped my lychee martini and asked for the check!

We're all born naked. The rest is drag.
--RuPaul (appropriating Judith Butler for the masses...)

minniesota's picture

Gulp

Hey, Geek4Grammar, did she say something about Mexicans too? I feel left out.

Still searching for the right brainy quote.

geek4grammar's picture

haha, not this time ;)

haha, sorry minnie, you were left out in the cold on this one...I hate to be the one to tell you that you have not been discriminated against today ;p

We're all born naked. The rest is drag.
--RuPaul (appropriating Judith Butler for the masses...)

Julia Watson's picture

I think I accidentally hit

I think I accidentally discovered a TV-related deal breaker last night. We were watching TV and CT feigned rapt excitement over a promo for the new season of The Bachelorette. I didn't catch on that she was kidding right away and gave her a look so filled with dread and despair that she busted out laughing.

MacLass_19's picture

Hummm....

A few deal breakers would be.... excessive drinking, smoking cigarettes, and using illegal drugs. I live a healthy lifestyle, and expect the same of anyone that I'm going to love. Thank God my gf feels the same way. As a matter of fact, she recently gave me a 24 hour Fitness membership, I wonder what that message is all about - she may have just insulted me!    lol

Bebi_Bebito's picture

bummer fat chance for me then

i do not drink excessive only a martini bianco now and then

i do smoke ( lots )

weed aint illegal in my country so not sure if using that counts or not ?

i don't sport

so tell your gf  nt to worry about me

winks ~ smiles ~ lol

 

p.s. who the hack fitnesses  24 hours ?

lol

MacLass_19's picture

Hahahahahaha

Bebi, you always know how to make me giggle.   Laughing out loud   

24 Hour Fitness is a gym that's open 24 hours a day. It's pretty cool.

I've been wanting to try the spin class, but I'm afraid I might die. I don't do well with activities that require sweating.   lmao

Rusty's picture

ooops

I once gave a gym membership as a Valentine present. And shortly thereafter gave the "real present" — jewelry.

Smoking and drugs are deal breakers for me, too. (I'm an ex-smoker and don't need the temptation of open packs lying around.)

Another deal breakers is bigotry but it's sometimes harder to see early in the relationship.

"When you look for the bad in mankind expecting to find it, you surely will." ~ Pollyanna