Take The (Leaked) DADT Survey

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Take The (Leaked) DADT Survey

On July 7, the Comprehensive Working Group Study (CRWG) tasked with evaluating the effects of repealing DADT and developing an implementation plan, issued a survey to 400,000 servicemembers on attitudes towards homosexuality and Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.  

Naturally, since there are 70,000 of us infiltrating the ranks, some gay servicemember leaked the contents of the survey, which has now been reposted all over the internet. I believe kudos are in order.

Besides the survey asking numerous leading questions and military opinion historically being a poor indicator of capacity for change, the cost of distributing, recording, and analyzing the data is astronomical. And due to the sexually predatory nature of homosexuality, the survey of course contained a shower question:

If Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell is repealed and you are assigned to bathroom facilities with an open bay shower that someone you believed to be gay or lesbian Service member also used, what are you most likely to do? Mark 1.

  • Take no action
  • Use the shower at a different time than the Service member I thought to be gay or lesbian
  • Discuss how we expect each other to behave and conduct ourselves
  • Talk to chaplain, mentor, or leader about how to handle the situation
  • Talk to a leader to see if I had other options
  • Something else
  • Don’t Know

Does it bother anyone else when heterosexuals flatter themselves into thinking every gay or lesbian will be sexually attracted to them? Or how they suggest counseling will be needed to mitigate the trauma of public showers? And why do they always forget the fact that they are already showering with gays?

Let me offer a proper rewording of the above survey question, one that actually has applicability to the policy:  
 

What would you do if you had to shower with the gays?

  • Avoid eye contact for the 30 seconds allotted for showering
  • Seek counseling because I have deep-rooted insecurities
  • Wear the issued one piece bathing suit and face social ostracism for being a prude
  • Have crazy lesbian sex and disrupt unit cohesion
  • Not even applicable - I have private bathing facilities or do not reside in military housing
  • Something else - List bigoted reason below
  • Don’t Know – Since when do I have to justify my ill-perceived notions?  

This survey (and this policy) is way too easy to poke fun at. Unfortunately, wasting government dollars to issue a biased and therefore unusable survey is not quite so comical.



Comments [8]

karrr's picture

hahahhahaa

can you just write the entire survey?

CA_Medicine_Woman's picture

Let me see if I have this correct...

When women were fully integrated into the military in 1948, there was no survey.

When the military was racially desegregated during the Korean War, there was no survey.

But, with military personnel in combat in at least two foreign nations, we have to have a survey to see if soldiers are okay with what is already going on?

Are they frackin' kidding me?

Conlite's picture

Answer: Something else, eg: 

Answer:

Something else, eg:  Compliment them on their tattoos.  Ask if they can scratch their phone number on my bar of soap.  Discuss gay politics with them in a very clear and penetrating tone of voice in case there are homophobes present who need to be educated/scared away.  Sing Indigo girls duets with them while showering.

I mean, the question assumes that the one answering is heterosexual, which makes it about 10% inaccurate for a start.

Mjfranci's picture

Answers

1. Out of paranoia, sense gay hands on my buttocks all the time, in and out of the shower, and abruptly turn around to catch'em in the act every time they touch me.

2. Have therapy and seek consolation for the imagined violation of my physical integrity by the gay hands that constantly touch my buttocks. Keep turning around abruptly while in therapist's office and ask him/her if they saw the hands that just touched my buttocks.

3. Always have fresh red paint on my buttocks. Repealing DADT has caused the gays to constantly touch them but now the red stains on their hands will denounce them. 

4. Get the government to provide 2.5 billion to subsidize the red paint I put on my buttocks. 

4. Fight to the death all those who call me "baboon ass". Accuse them of treason, communism, Confucianism, and Adam-Lambertism, as only such people would mock my sound countermeasures to the elimination of DADT.

There are entire Will & Grace episodes out there that could serve as really cool quotes for signatures. Yes, whole episodes!

Not2Taem's picture

Thanks for the giggle!

Laughing out loud

Grace Moon's picture

its not just the waste of dollars

but my problem with this fucking working group is

1) Since its NOT a matter of "IF" but a matter of "When" DADT will be repealed as per POTUS, then why the fuck bother with this extensive and backward survey?

2) Unless they are going to use this infromation gathered NOT to repeal DADT.

tweet tweet @gracemoon

Tex's picture

Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner!

#2! The survey is the usual "easy out" the federals are looking for.... always gotta have that "alternative" in place.

Twitter Time @kdhales

Not2Taem's picture

Support your local bigots

Not to mention that it just fuels all of the bigoted bullshit already out there in the general population. Oh sure its OK to think that way. I mean damn, your government is encouraging it and financing it.