1. Somewhere, empirical evidence exists that proves homosexuality is a detriment to unit cohesion. We just haven’t actually found it yet…
2. According to the Washington Post-ABC News poll, 31 percent of the U.S. doesn’t support gays in the military. But never mind the majority opinion in an American democracy.
3. In the words of our favorite Senator John McCain “At the moment of intense hardship for our Armed Services, we should not be seeking to overturn the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy.” In the middle of two wars, we shouldn’t be discharging mission-critical Arabic linguists either.
4. Elaine Donnelly, president of the Center for Military Readiness-an anti-women, anti-gay “think” tank- reasons that if DADT is repealed, sexual assault cases will increase threefold. Given that there are 70,000 gays presently serving and there were 2900 sexual assault cases last year, 1 in 12 gays will commit a sexual assault if DADT is repealed. And this is mathematically sound.
5. If we allow gays to have equal-ish rights in the military, what is to stop them from gaining equality in society at-large? Repealing DADT could be the beginning of a slippery slope toward egalitarianism.
6. Homosexuals would present logistical problems. In the interest of heterosexuals, gays would have to be separated into their own barracks. And masses of gay men in a confined area = problem solved? Flawless logic.
7. The military would rather have social policies that resemble the likes of North Korea, Syria, and Iran, not Israel, Canada, and the UK.
8. Repeal would infringe on heterosexual solders’ privacy. Social ostracism isn’t reason enough to practice mutual gaze aversion in the showers.
9. The military shouldn’t used for social experiments. Truman’s desegregation of the military, which occurred before desegregation of the rest of American society, is certainly something to be frowned upon in retrospect.
10. The military culture will become flamboyant to the point that it cannot function. Take LTC Victor Fehrenbach for example, who only slightly resembles one of the most masculine movie stars of all time.
Although the tone of this article is satirical, “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” is a serious issue affecting at least 70,000 gays and lesbians serving our country during a time of war. And though unprecedented progress has been made this year to ax this discriminatory law, the battle is not yet won. The Defense Authorization bill (which contains an amendment calling for DADT repeal) will be presented on the Senate floor later this month, where John McCain has threatened to filibuster. Assuming his radical attempts are thwarted, it will still take the stamp of approval from President Obama, Secretary Gates, and Admiral Mullen to implement a policy of nondiscrimination on the basis of sexual orientation in the U.S. Military. The time is near, but it will take an act of diligence to finally repeal DADT.