Why I Love Butch Women, and Other Endangered Species

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Why I Love Butch Women, and Other Endangered Species

There is something about being in close proximity to a butch woman that makes me go a little fluttery inside – kind of melty and shy, and occasionally, bold. Perhaps this is accentuated by the fact that butches are rare and precious in my particular corner of the universe, but when and wherever they cross my path, something within me sits up and takes notice – because I share the other side of the secret. I know the special magic that happens when female yin meets female yang, and the opposite polarity locks us together like magnets caught up in each other’s sway.

I live in Southern California, where chic lipstick lesbians and glamorously androgynous sirens rule the Sapphic roost. It is not quite as fancy as the celluloid fantasy presented on The L Word, but the ‘type’ of gay women that I meet definitely trends more towards feminine women seeking the same. Believe me, I appreciate that dynamic. I’ve been there, and still, on occasion, find it lovely country to learn and love and grow in, but for me – it’s not quite home.

I am a femme lesbian who desires butch lesbians. To be perfectly candid, I am still figuring out the finer points of just what that means to me. But I derive from this identity, from this dynamic, a sense of satisfaction, of completion so sweet that I can hardly begin to articulate it. And yet, from time to time, I hear this complex, richly diverse way of relating boiled down to something like, “If that’s what you like, why not just date a dude?” Even more unsettling, in my experience, is the fact that this sentiment is expressed by other lesbians as often as it is by straight folks.

I don’t pretend to understand my preference for women on the masculine side of the gender spectrum anymore than I understand why I am attracted to women in the first place. It just is. Why not just date a dude? The short answer is easy: because I’m a dyke, and because butch women are just that – women. But that explanation leaves rather a lot of important things out.

So how about the long answer?

I love the way a butch looks in a suit or a good pair of men’s jeans, but it’s how she carries herself



Comments [47]

Inferno11's picture

Your article....

Wow...thanks! It's so nice to hear this! I'm from Perth, West Australia. It seems me and my bois are in the wrong country!!

xx

Peace!

Inferno

TJ's picture

Lovely writing...

I have a special place in my heart for the bois, butches, and studs too.  It really is a unique kind of energy that just doesn't have a match anywhere.  Thanks for showing your appreciation to a group that is all too often misunderstood and disrespected.  

Bobbie's picture

The perfect description

I'm very new to these feelings! I have my first crush on a woman, a total butch and everything about her drives me crazy. Now I see that all the things I'm finding so hot about her are loved by others, too!

Mainely Butch's picture

Your blog on loving Butches!

Absolutely love this piece!  You are a very natural and great writer!  It's amazing how Femmes seem to have that "voice" that I can hear so clearly in their written words (in this case YOUR words!) and that resonates so loudly in my heart! I personally just love the B-F "dance" and all of it's intricacies and intimacies!  I only wish I could be more bold and attract a good, old school Femme into my life once again!  Feel like I am having a sort of "dry spell" here the last couple of years...maybe this is the way the universe needed me to be for now, and something greater is coming in the future - dang! I sure hope so. In the meantime it is great thoughts like your blog here that feed my need for Femme interaction with my Butch soul!  Much respect.  I look forward to more of your thoughts!  :)  ~Mainely Butch

~Mainely Butch
mainelybutch@yahoo.com
youtube.com/mainelybutch

FemmeGrl's picture

Butch, stud, etc. Appreciation

Please know that there are MANY femmes out here (and I am definitely one of them!!) who appreciate butches and studs.  I'm a non-traditional femme who absolutely loves the bois!  

I'm from the opposite end of the butch-femme spectrum and what I adore about that is all that long-burning fuse in between us burning up the night and warming my days! 

Please don't ever think that you don't have your fans and admirers - some of us (like me;-)) are even still single!  LOL. 

 

Come to Chicago where the reception is as warm as the femmes!

 

KS Stevens's picture

Nice!

Nice article! Much appreciated!

Sincerely,
KS Stevens

taylormade's picture

Thanks so much!

Thanks for the love shown in this great article. And thanks, too, have to go out to Butch Drifter and Master Amazon who managed to read my mind and put together a great response. Chivalry isn't dead, femmes-it lives on in your female bodied warriors.

a butch drifter's picture

Julia - thank you for your appreciation!

I stumbled on this site last night and read your Love Song to butch women. My God it was beautiful, I got chills! I didn’t realize there were women who held any special thoughts about butch women, are they endangered too? I’ve received comments, over the years, some very sweet and some that cut to the core but never heard it expressed quite like you have. I’m also grateful for the butch women who expressed such deep thoughts about their own experiences and feelings. It’s not easy to do, sometimes, when you’re butch. It’s easier to do in an anonymous way - like this - because of the reaction when “someone tough says something tender”.

Years ago I guess I stopped being involved with Lesbians because it was difficult to understand their minds (or their friends) about butch appearances and behavior. Why try to understand something you realize you can’t change? I've had relationships with exclusively Lesbian, and with straight women who said I’m a one time thing. At about 34 years old I learned to take a 2 to 5 year break between relationships to recover from the exhaustion of giving so intensely and the sadness for one or both of us when it ends. If I’m all over the map forgive me I’m still stunned that what you wrote felt so personal.

I’m on a break Julia so if you, or your friends in the secret society of women who love butch women are near the Northwest coast of Florida and want someone to share dinner with please send me an email. I would love to hear more about the women who love butch women, I can behave, and from what I can tell I’m easy enough to look at (I'm southern and butch but I hold no illusions about living in Billy Ray country).  Take care and happy holidays to all.

Southern Butch lookin' for a little peace 'n tranquility

Julia Watson's picture

Drifter, so glad you found

Drifter, so glad you found this. Check for local butch-femme meet-ups in your area on MeetUp.com, butchfemme.com, butchfemmeplanet.com. There are more resources than you think! And more of us butch-loving ladies than you think. Also, check out the ButchVoices and ButchNation orgs for butch community-building and finding butch buddies. My partner and I went to one of the ButchVoices cons in LA last year and we were so blown away by being around all those butches, aggresives, studs, and bulldaggers and hearing from so many different folks about their experiences. There's a whole grassroots movement getting underway...

tangoastor's picture

A butch thank you...

...I know so few queers who appreciate a butch dandy. Even in a metropolitan area the size of Chicago. 

The butch/femme dynamic is endlessly fascinating, stimulating and challenging to me. 

So, your essay is very much appreciated.

Marcie Bianco's picture

check out the "Fag Dyke" and

check out the "Fag Dyke" and "Dandy Dyke" in The Lez Look Book: http://thebolditalic.com/Kristin/stories/1026-the-lez-look-book

Jess Glenny's picture

Just read this again

and ditto. Love butch women. : )

lostboi81's picture

yes!!  i love it! geez i was

yes!!  i love it! geez i was worried ,seems like us 'boi's' get no love anymore these days lol

Marcie Bianco's picture

well, welcome, lostboi81—and,

well, welcome, lostboi81—and, have no fear, bois get PLENTY of love on this site Smile

lostboi81's picture

LOL PHEW

WELL good!! because im def lacking in that department=[ soooo,when im feeling lonely,VELVETPARK! =problem solved.

Marcie Bianco's picture

definitely come here if

definitely come here if you're feeling lonely! there's plenty of conversation to be had!

ImmaBMe's picture

Great site..great article

First time on this site and I must say this article was a pleasure to read.  "Applaud" from the new butchie on this site Smile

Free Your Mind...the rest of you will follow.

Conlite's picture

Welcome to Vp!  

Welcome to Vp!   Smile

ImmaBMe's picture

Thank you Conlite

Thank you Conlite Smile

Free Your Mind...the rest of you will follow.

Marcie Bianco's picture

Welcome, ImmaBMe!

Welcome, ImmaBMe!

ImmaBMe's picture

Thank you Marcie

Thank you Marcie Smile

Free Your Mind...the rest of you will follow.

Marcie Bianco's picture

you're very welcome -- i look

you're very welcome -- i look forward to being in touch! 

So, comment away!

ImmaBMe's picture

I will do that

I will do that Wink

Free Your Mind...the rest of you will follow.

Tosha's picture

omg Julia...

Hey, thank you for saving me the trouble of pulling together an article i've thought about for a long time...you just about said it all.   So elegantly, eloquently, precisely IT.  Beautiful. 

Margaret's picture

I could not disagree with you

I could not disagree with you Julia Laughing out loud

spanishstud's picture

Props

Great post Julia props from soon to be in Texas...and yes I myself am the "endangered species" so be gentle Wink

Only you that is in me can hear what I am saying.

NCSha25's picture

Wow, I've missed reading your work!

That truly is a love song, beautifully written and so true. I couldn't agree with you more. 

 

Rockets's picture

<3

Beautifully written.

Visit the FREE Lesbian Coloring pages at ~ illustrocity.blogspot.com

buggleM's picture

thanks for your opinion Ms.Julia :)

I am from Asia and most of my male friend  asked me What is the different of being a Butch  from being a man on which they believe they have a complete tool to satisfied woman. So I just humbly advised them that butch knew how to satisfied their woman in many ways, not only on Orgasm but also in  emotional well being .From my childhood I am a butch [7 y/o], though there some boys whose trying to asked me but I always showing them my real personality until I  got a puppy love girlfriend , during my High School days when I started to woo girls  then hide my personality from my family and went to college until  I become  certified Butch and  cameout to my mom . During my college days I discover the mystery of being a real Butch , how to please woman until  I read this book to find more about the differences of men and women [ but technically there is no Butch stuff in our society but now with our present society my country has an open views and Gays are accepted Maybe they right Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus . Since  I read the book  about the study  of  woman behavior same as in Men's behavior  so It  was a long time ago that this book  bothered  me  or  tricking my mind where the BUTCH come from? Then just to ease my mind, I tried not to be deceptive so  I  study my past relationship , where my past  arise and where my present relationship  exist , and through my journey of having past and present relationship I conclude , the magic touch of certified Butch are their exotic style of handling their woman maybe the Butch are  made  for  Earth, on which accidentally god created this exotic species in order to fill up woman desires on which there's a lot of woman out there who are not yet complete though they already had an experience with some real dude or  the Butch is the antidote for women when they got hurt from their comsummated love ?[ just kidding, Im not generalized  that all women turned to Butch affection  but some  ] .

Based on my  past love experience or present relationship  I observed women , either they're straight ,femme , lesbian and  bi , most of women who  shared their story ... why they become attracted to Butch , they have some similar response ... Some girls said being with Butch they  really  find it so cute to be with. So, like what your mentioning with your blog about Butch , I would say being Butch when were still young we are really HOT  and our motto is to make our girlfriend  happy  and satisfied . I  could categorized myself as  a hard Butch  and I can express my feeling with women directly  the way the real man deliver but ,sometime being a Butch , we are very attracted with married woman , I don't know some married woman though they straight , they very open to share their feeling toward us , though  having a discreet relationship with married woman is not appropriate but sometime it is really exciting .Like what you said about your impression  about Butch " we are endangered species [oooops] ,  My honest opinion everybody has their own preference or some kind of attraction towards lesbian, men and femme but  among those  creation that I  just mentioned the Butch is the most endangered species that some woman cannot resist .

BuggleM the dmd

buggleM's picture

thanks for your opinion Ms.Julia :)

just kidding, Im not generalized  that all women turned to Butch affection  but some  ] .

 

 

Based on my  past love experience or present relationship  I observed women , either they're straight ,femme , lesbian and  bi , most of women who  shared their story ... why they become attracted to Butch , they have some similar response ... Some girls said being with Butch they  really  find it so cute to be with. So, like what your mentioning with your blog about Butch , I would say being Butch when were still young we are really HOT  and our motto is to make our girlfriend  happy  and satisfied . I  could categorized myself as  a hard Butch  and I can express my feeling with women directly  the way the real man deliver but ,sometime being a Butch , we are very attracted with married woman , I don't know some married woman though they straight , they very open to share their feeling toward us , though  having a discreet relationship with married woman is not appropriate but sometime it is really exciting .Like what you said about your impression about Butch " we are endangered species [oooops] ,  My honest opinion everybody has their own preference or some kind of attraction towards lesbian, men and femme but  among those  creation that I  just mentioned the Butch is the most endangered species that some woman cannot resist .

 

BuggleM the dmd

hardlover's picture

promblems

well i know im young. but i know what iam im bi and right now i want a butch girlfriend so bad its not even funnie and its like i cant find one or they have a girlfriend like i think thats the only way i will fill fufilled cuz i have a boyfriend but i still dont fill like im complete and thats the way i wanna feel. thats why i signed up to this website so i could talk to people who understand me and wont judge me for who iam i thought this website could help me find that sexy gangster mexican dike that im craving for i want a women who gonna be there for me. cuz at school there is no dikes well theres one and once again shes taken and she hates me so what does that tell you i feel like im hopeless like im never going to find the girl im looking for im a femme so i thought buch woman would talk to me but its not as easy as it looks so somebody h elp me thanks

 

love tristen

MasterAmazon's picture

Butch Dykes who are PROUD to be Female are indeed endangered

Thanks for your beautiful commentary supporting us Female and Dyke centered Butches! We ARE NOT men, and so many don't get this. So many of us have resisted being boxed into stereotypical feminine roles, or attempts to feminize us, while asserting OUR OWN powerful Selves in a world that doesn't want us to exist, and either attempts to erase our defiance and our powerful stance, or attempts to erase us and attempt to make us pass or 'become' some form of male. It is women like you who praise us exactly for WHO WE ARE, as powerful STRONG women in and of ourselves, our Wild raw Selves who carry the strength of determination, sexual aggressiveness, confidence(on our better days) solidity and Amazon natures and take up our space fully as men do...while honoring and giving our  sexual, emotional and spiritual energy so deeply to other womyn.

It is one reason I quit watching the "L Word" because I didnt' see myself, or my relationship reflected there. There was no space for a STRONG Butch character who could be a powerful sexual being, without reference to men or their desires or who could inhabit fully a Female body without attempts to transition or 'pass' as male. The androgynous skinny Shane just didn't do it for me, nor did the other characters who sometimes shamed Butch women in the series. Sorry, Femme on Femme just doesn't do it for me. Butch/Femme and Butch on Butch are my proclivities. I LOVE the handsomeness and strength of other Butch women, but I also like the sensuality and yes, strength and power of strong sexy femmes too...both are sexy to me, in different ways, as long as they are PROUD of their femaleness, and of their Lesbianism, love for women.

Thanks for honoring us, and NO WE ARE NOT DUDES! Butches CARE about our woman's orgasm, and want to please and satisfy her. Sure, I want my own orgasm too, and to be satisfied, but not at her expense. I LOVE to see a woman in the throes of pleasure. Many men on the other hand are far more selfish, once they orgasm, it's over for them, and if the woman gets off, well, that's alright, but his orgasm is primary, enforced by millenia of patriarchy. A Butch on the other hand wants to please and satisfy her woman, that is part of the definition of a true blue Butch, and because we're both women, we can orgasm ALL NIGHT LONG! We're multi-orgasmic Beings, and both FULLY FEMALE.....not the same for  a dude.

But I'm here to share about Dyke Sexuality, having been a Capital B Butch that is true Blue Butch for almost 30 years, ever since I came out in 1981, and a hardcore tomboy since age 7.....grow up to be a Butch Dyke!

                                      -In Dyke Sisterhood,

                                         -MasterAmazon

Mainely Butch's picture

Couldn't have said it better

Couldn't have said it better myself!  Great post!  ~Mainely Butch

~Mainely Butch
mainelybutch@yahoo.com
youtube.com/mainelybutch

Not2Taem's picture

Great post

Smile

LeatherEagle's picture

I thought I was a dinosaur

~S~ Thank you for this. It reminds me that masculine woman is still as masculine as masculine man.

That all those pleasures I take at having a swagger and making a beautiful person blush just a little...is still Butch magic...~smiles~

This was a timely find for me. I needed it.

Lu

Mainely Butch's picture

Hi! you got a laugh out of

Hi! you got a laugh out of me...I too feel a bit pre-historic sometimes!  But it's refreshing to know the B-F life is still alive and well, and continuing!  Just takes some passing of the torches and being good role models for those youngsters!  Great comment btw!  I could definitely relate!  :)  ~Mainely Butch

~Mainely Butch
mainelybutch@yahoo.com
youtube.com/mainelybutch

Meffle's picture

I'm so hearing you Julia

I personally vacillate somewhere between soft butch and old maid.  My wife really "enjoys" when I do housework, especially if it's of the "honey do" variety.  Every relationship has that event or action guaranteed to shut the lights and get the kids put to be early.  In my house it includes the use of a power drill.

Very elelgantly written, by the way.

There's a thin line...still...

NickiD's picture

I love this article

I am very new in my bi-sexual life and i alwasy wonder why a butch gets me so hot. And i must say this blog has t down, the confidents, the swagger and the butchness. it just sexy. and thank u for bringing up that not because u like a butch u should b with a man. its not the same. A BUTCH IS MUCH BETTER..

Ash's picture

I meant when there is a guy

I meant when there is a guy present i said us sowi

Ash's picture

Hehe im butch wna play? Just

Hehe im butch wna play? Just joking. Some ppl hate us here in South Africa some use corrective rape. Ppl forget that God is judge n nower in the bible is says women cant wear jeans and suits besides everyone wore robes (dresses) back then. What i hate is when ppl mock butch women i blame it on lesbian porn ppl are led to believe that we all are the same. If u can be with a guy u not lesbian but bi so why do ppl call it lesbian porn when there us a guy present? Sorry Julia for using your post for this mwa

NAOMY's picture

I WAS READING YOUR BLOG AND

I WAS READING YOUR BLOG AND GOD!!I THOUGHT I WAS READING MYSELF I FEEL THE SAME WAY YOU DO ABOUT A BUTCH GIRL ..I SEE ONE AND MY HEART MELTS LOL !!IM SO ATTRACTED TO THEM !!IS UNREAL !!!!

Uncle Aimee's picture

one of the great blogs that

one of the great blogs that survived the demise of ourchart. thanks for re-posting it here!

Anika's picture

Very interesting read, I

Very interesting read, I think their would be a lot of mixed opinions on this. Love the theme that you are using, what is it?

Xanadu's picture

I love the name Anika ...

I love the name Anika ... there's quite a few 'Anika's' here in New Zealand Smile

Julia Watson's picture

Butch/femme almost always

Butch/femme almost always brings up conflicting opinions in the queer community. What's your opinion about it?

Also, what theme? I'm not sure what you mean.

Fly215's picture

Your Article

I just want to thank you for your article. I see & experience too much negativity towards the "butch" woman. Sometmes I feel un/underappreciated by the gay community. I feel like everyone wants a "pretty femme" girl. I am very masculine on the outside, but so fragile and "girly" on the inside. I possess the assertive/strong attributes of the "masculine" butch and feel like some women are intimidated by it and won't approach me. Being butch can be very lonely. It warms my soul to have read your words and it gives me hope that one day someone will appreciate me the way you've expressed yourself. Thank you thank you THANK YOU Smile

215rn

lalunasweet's picture

Loved this article!

Thankyou from the bottom of my femme little heart!

Well written,Bravo!

Luna

~*~LALUNA