Why Your State Sucks

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Why Your State Sucks

Ever since I moved to Philadelphia I've been having identity issues. I just don't know which state I identify with anymore. It's complicated. See, I'm originally from California. I was born and raised in San Diego, moved to San Francisco when I was 20 and lived there for 16 years. I spent the last 5 years in New York, then the Prof started teaching in Philly and we decided to relocate (I left NY for her. Now, that's love.)

I like Philly but I'm not quite ready to identify as Pennsylvanian. Right now I just feel like I live in a very far outer borough of New York. But you can't say that to Philadelphians or they'll shank you.

Right about now I bet you are wondering, "Why does any of this matter, Cage?" Well, I'll tell you. It matters because I discovered this wonderful map of the US that lists what each state is the worst at and I need to know what I should feel bad about.

Do I identify as a Californian (worst air quality)  since that is where I was born and rasied? Or do I identify with New York (longest commutes). Or, should I just settle in to Pennsylvania and get fire insurance since Pennsylvania is guilty of having the highest number of deaths by arson.

For the record, Utah consumes the most porn, Louisana has the most gonorrhea and Maine has the lowest SAT scores. And Mississippi, well, Mississippi has issues: highest rate of obesity, highest rate of child poverty, highest rate of infant mortality, lowest median household income, highest teen birth rate, and highest overall rate of STDs.



Read the full list of states with rationale and statistics here


Comments [25]

Meffle's picture

NY come up pretty good

But I'd kill for a 30 minute ocmmute.  My average commute has always be 1 - 1.5 hours.

Of course right now it's about the minute it takes me to walk downstairs from my bedroom! 

There's a thin line...still...

M.J. Corey's picture

this is great. i like "oldest

this is great. i like "oldest state." that's the worst they could find for iowa?

Robin Rigby's picture

I just noticed RI is worst

I just noticed RI is worst for drug use. It's all on accounta Central Falls. Tiny, 2 square mile town that is nothing but drug dealers. Good friend of mine is from there but tells everyone he's from Pawtucket because no one in their right mind would admit to being from Central Falls. 

bekcat's picture


"Most Sickly".  I read this in GA, recovering from the flu and dealing with a stress fracture I got day before yesterday.  I belong here Smile

It is what it is.

Lake's picture


Feel better soon!!! Wink

GO VOLS!!!!!!


bekcat's picture


I'm taking my X-Rays and going to my Sports Medicine Dr. on Monday.  I probably get one of those nifty boots to wear (I have been working with no braces/supports.  Probably not a wise move, but as injuries go, this has felt relitavely mild.  A boot will be a pain in the proverbial posterior.).

You watching that Duke/UConn game Monday night?

It is what it is.

Lake's picture

The boot...

won't be so bad!!!Wink

Yes I will be watching the game! I'm waiting for the
upset!! Wink


bekcat's picture

Gonna be a good game

and we'll see if Duke is a contender or pretender.  I'm not sure who I am going for as I am not a fan of either, but it will be a fun game.

After a 2nd look...no stress fracture (YAY!!).  I just get a brace.  Much better scenario.  All is good!!

It is what it is.

Tex's picture

Going to North Dakota...

have a better shot there. Been called a lot of things but homely was not one of 'em! Not a raving, but evidently good enough for ND!


 Should have gotten a snow plow for the Jeep and moved to the NE this winter - is it too late?

And forgive me those of you in Maine who do have some brains, but I understand the 'dumbest' for the state. Personally, I do know an absolutely exceptional young man that works at UMaine, but he's saying they have him for one more year and he's outta there!

Twitter Time @kdhales

Not2Taem's picture

Maine has lobsters, trees,

Maine has lobsters, trees, boulders, the ocean and LL Bean. If you want intellectual stimulation, MA is just a skosh down the road.

Tex's picture

Yes it does!

But there are not enuff women of the lesbian persuasion in ME...

Twitter Time @kdhales

Not2Taem's picture


Per capita I think its close to the national average. Its just harder to pick them out with all the LLesbian lookalikes running around. Also, you have to remember that unlike Texas, there are several other states easily accessible for an evening's fun or even a genuine relationship.

Tex's picture

You do love the ME!

When you only have 1.3 million folks, and our percentage is only about 5% of 5%, that brings the numbers down into the minuses, doesn't it?   heheheheheeeee  Remember, I walked the streets of ME for two.5 months and begged the lezzies to come out and play. Lezzies don't like to play in ME....well, not like I like to play!

Twitter Time @kdhales

Not2Taem's picture

Lez see...

I'm trying to remember if I've ever met a gal in ME that is just all about letting her boobs out to play. All I can dredge up is Frostbit Tit, and I'm pretty sure that is someone right here in this little gayborhood. Rather than liking, it may be that you have to live in a warmer clime to have the energy to play the way do. Up North, so much of it goes into staying warm, which gives pleasures a whole different rhythm and variety.

minniesota's picture


And those were just the tornados that were reported!

But, hey, we are the best at having infrastructure collapse (I-35W Bridge, Metrodome roof).

Still searching for the right brainy quote.

Not2Taem's picture


MA would have to be the best at prolonging the the collapse of infrastructure. Big dig, anyone?

Not2Taem's picture

Random thoughts

Vermont & Maine: Infertile, too cold to take their clothes off, or just smart enough to use a condom?

Ohio: In what universe does being a nerd rate you demerits?  Glasses

Utah: There are definite minuses to this state, but that is not one of them.

Grace Moon's picture

inquiring minds want to know.

inquiring minds want to know. Smile

tweet tweet @gracemoon

Tiff's picture


Just totally misread Oregon: "highest rate of long-term homeless people". Definitely thought it said "highest rate of long-term topless people. Maybe I need to visit Utah....

Lake's picture


UTAH!!!!!   Wink


Robbery in Illinois..... it's all at the Governor's Mansion! Wink


Robin Rigby's picture

Must be the magic underwear.

Must be the magic underwear.

Robin Rigby's picture

There's some horny bastards

There's some horny bastards in Utah. They have 16 wives and consume the most porn.

Conlite's picture

Maybe its 15 of the wives

Maybe its 15 of the wives consuming porn while the 16th gets some.

Or maybe the guy needs more help than just viagra to get it up 16 times.

I can't believe you got me wondering about this!

Robin Rigby's picture

Hahahaha! See above though,

Hahahaha! See above though, It's gotta be the Magic Mormon Underwear, not Viagra.

Julia Watson's picture

I'm suddenly feeling very

I'm suddenly feeling very Oklahomo-an. At least, from a storytelling POV. Also gotta give Ohio some love, I see.