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Well, kids, it’s finally here – the end of an era. Amidst all the
EPIC FAIL!!!! struggle and drama and heartache arises a new hope, that the women of The L Word, whom we’ve grown to know and love and love to loathe, will meet a fitting end. Okay, so maybe we can already guess that there are no puppies and rainbows and puppies shitting rainbows in store for the gang, but c’mon… closure would be nice! And so, with hope lightening our hearts and lust singing in our loins, we go forth bravely into that long night known as: finale.
In the interrogation room, Shane spills her guts. “Feeling,” she muses, “is a solitary emotion.” While I’m thrilled to kick off this historical hour of teevee with some good old-fashioned lesbian processing… Shane, ‘feeling’ is not an actual emotion. It is the act of HAVING an emotion. Perhaps if they had written your character as having something more than the emotional range of a shoe, you would know this.
In a flashback, Jenny and Shane do a spiel for the “tribute” video Jenny is making for Bette and Tina’s going away party. Jenny muses that Bette and Tina leaving is as much an adventure for her and Shane as for Tibette themselves. Jenny: “You were this supreme, wonderful, beautific couple and now we’re going to take your place!” Shane, thrilled, looks likely to volunteer to be the one found face-down in the pool.
Instead of the usual opening credits, we get a title screen and some tense music leading us right into… Alice confronting Tasha and Jamie about their secret love for one another – at the Planet, of course. Alice: “Just be fucking truthful about your feelings.” Jamie fesses up that she has indeed fallen for Tasha. Alice: “Thank you. And fuck you!” Alice bails, telling the two of them to “try it” together and that if she doesn’t hear from Tasha the next day, she’ll know she has made her choice.
At Helena’s, Jenny has arrived to take Helena and Dylan’s depositions – uh, I mean, tribute video stylings. Alas, they’re mid-fight: Dylan, just having lost the place she was subletting, is sulky about Helena not having invited her to move in. Helena feels pressured and resentful. And here’s Jenny with her camera! Alrighty, you two love birds. Let’s go make some memories! Jenny: