ThreeWay: The Butch-Femme vs. Garden Variety Lesbian Quandary (Pt. 2)

Continuing from last week’s ThreeWay Chat, Amy, Prof C,

Continuing from last week’s ThreeWay Chat, Amy, Prof C, KL and Julia tackle butch fashion iconography, group therapize excerpts from KL’s fantasy life, and continue to poke fun at all kinds of lesbians —  especially ourselves.

Amy: What else do we have to say about ourselves as butches and femmes?

Professor C: Yeah, let’s think of things people always forget to talk about when it comes to b-f.

KL: Wait. Like what people don’t know about us?

Amy: Instead of “poor us”?

Professor C: In some ways b-f is the model for lesbianism because of the historical precedent, so some of the hate/distancing may just be people defining themselves against a model? I don’t know, is that true?

Amy: I think that makes sense.

Professor C: Or we could talk about clothes.

Amy: Hmmmm! Yes! Can I start by saying this? And you try to figure this shit out?

KL: YES! Clothes. Here is what I can’t stand…

Amy: I just bought Ali this Pee-Wee Herman shirt that looks like his suit. And she just put it on, and it’s the hottest thing ever. What does that mean? I like gays mixed w/butch?

KL: … when femmes feel like they deserve a medal for wearing a lot of lace and pink and shit with cherries on it. Like, get away from me.

Julia: Pee-wee is def a fey butch icon.

Pee-wee Herman practices his GQ look.

KL: No, he is not. Paul Newman in Cool Hand Luke. Butch icon.

Julia: He is completely queer!

Professor C: I think he’s more of a little boy queen.

KL: (Obviously I’ve now moved onto referencing movies I’ve never seen.)

Julia: LoL

Amy: (LOL)

Julia: I liked your recent referencing of River Phoenix’ character in Stand By Me, Lieds. He was such my teen heartthrob.

Amy: ME TOO.

Julia: Which makes SO much sense now…

Amy: That’s because he wore tight white t-shirts and looked SO butch.

Julia: Right!

Amy: b/c all butches look like pre-teen boys.

Professor C: But not like a man butch.

River Phoenix in Stand By Me, hottest butch beefcake shouldbian OF ALL TIME.

KL: Why are tight white t-shirts so butch?

Amy: Sorry Emma, not ALL.

Julia: Even his demeanor. The upstanding, trustworthy, marginalized tough guy. Omg. Swoon.

Professor C: Ugh.

KL: I’m actually kind of torn about actual man butches. They tend to be more mannish than any man I’ve ever met, which freaks me out.

Professor C: Tight white t-shirts are a product of Hollywood. It’s Hollywood iconography for stylized masculinity.

Amy: Whoa. Listen Prof, keep it real.

Julia: It’s also HOT.

Professor C: The first tight t-shirt in the US was hand-made for Marlon Brando in Streetcar. [butch trivia]

Amy: Nice fact.

Julia: You would know that. Ha!

Little known fact: tighty-whitey T’s and tanks are like catnip for femmes.

Professor C: I know right. Hahaha. I hate the thing about butches being little boys.

Julia: ‘Splain, Em.

Professor C: I think it’s so femme condescending.

Amy: I have a question!!!! I’m raising my hand, Prof!

Professor C: Like you get to be grown n’ sexy and I’ll be a little boy. Because you all know grown butches exist! I think it encourages bad behavior sometimes.

Amy: Why do so many butches have an AWFUL fashion sense?

Julia: See, I like a grown butch who can still pull off the teenage boy butch look.

Amy: If they dressed properly, we’d take them more seriously.

Julia: Maybe I have Wendy-Peter Pan syndrome?

Professor C: I’m not saying it’s not a nice look.

KL: Listen: the Humbert Humbert in me likes them looking young. Maybe it’s because I was cheated out of having girlfriends when I was young.

Professor C: Haha.

KL: So now I’m trying to recreate a time that never was.

We just wanna, we just wanna…

Julia: Katie, that totally makes sense. For me that manifests in that I never expressed my femme gender identity as a teenager, so I kind of indulge it that way now in a youth culture-y kind of way.

KL: YES! Julia, you get it.

Amy: Wait. Emma, what did you mean by “bad behavior”? Getting women knocked up?

Professor C: HA. Butches being irresponsible or being babies.

KL:   Amy, haha! I know. Emma —  I totally get it. But can you name one butch that we both know  — aside from, say, Dee Finley —  who is grown-up and not misogynistic?

Amy: I like a grown butch. Except I’m contradicting myself b/c I was just saying I like a butch in a PW shirt.

Professor C: That’s just fashion, Amy.

KL: Emma is way too introspective for me. Like, I want to be the introspective one in the relationship. (btw I’m not introspective at all.)

Julia: lol


KL: I like how I act like Emma just asked me out.

Professor C: Femmes are so contrary!

Amy: We’re like onions. Layers.

KL: Yes and we cry. Jesus do I cry.

Julia: Word, KL.

Oh rilly?

Professor C: I think Katie wants to go out with me. You know she had a sex dream about me, right?

Julia: So what? I have sex dreams about all of our friends.

KL: I am actually laughing out loud right now.

Amy: Dish.

Professor C: HAHAHAHA!

KL: Like, really hard.

Julia: LoL

KL: I did. I climbed on top of Emma and rode her like a pony.

Amy: Deets please.

Professor C:  !!!!!!!

Julia: OMG

KL: And Diana came along and was like, “Honey, you have no idea what you’re doing.”

From the darkest depths of KL’s brain, comes… THIS HORROR!

(Only the sword should maybe be a Hitachi.)

Julia: lololol That is soooo so funny…

KL: And she pulled me off and then got to it. Showed me how it was done.

Amy: Wow.

Julia: … and kind of (WHOA) hot.

Professor C: It was really a dream about Diana being a bossy femme.

Julia: Duh, Em. That’s why it’s hot.

KL: In my dream, I was like, “Wow, I have NO idea how to have sex! This is better than reading Box Lunch!”

Julia: LoL KL

KL: Emma, I get your gist. Jist? how do you spell that

Julia: Gist. (Jizzt.)

Amy: Jizz?

Julia: PSYCHIC MOMENT. Amy, quit.

KL: Jizzus Christ.

Amy: See Emma, we’re immature. Not grown women.

KL: Ha.

Julia: Yes, we’re immature. (Thank Jizzus.)

Professor C: Haha.

KL: No one is grown.

Professor C: YOU’RE RIGHT. Queers are never grown. Because we aren’t straight.

Julia: I think it’s the greatest myth of our culture that “adulthood” is anything more than a construct. Like anything else…

KL: Like, you can tell that Obama has self-congratulatory ThreeWay chats with his buddies about how masculine they all are.

Professor C: Right, J.

KL: And how feminine their wives are.

Professor C: HAHA Katie.

Julia: LoL Katie

Hat Box Lunch. Was it good for you, baby?

Julia: So have we unraveled the mystery that is the cultural angst between garden variety dykes and butch-femme dykes?

Amy: I’d really love to read a chat from them about this topic.

Julia: Me too, Amy.

Amy: I love how I say “them” like it’s “us” vs. “them.”

Professor C: Lesbians scrutinize each other’s behavior a LOT.

Julia: I’m hoping that people will comment and get a discussion going. That’s kind of the whole idea with this topic. Well, that and the unrelenting fun of fuckwitting with you lot.

Amy: True.

KL: Yes. We process. We’re like, “It hurts my feelings that you’re wearing a corset and hiking boots. You’re either making a really trite statement about how you don’t have to conform to a gender, or you’re just straight-up zany.” I don’t know which is worse.

Julia: lmao Katie.

KL: Well, goodnight, my sweet love muffins. I’m going to eat more almonds.

Professor C: Haha. Thanks for letting me live out my ThreeWay Vp fantasy.

Julia: You mean your FourWay fantasy.

Amy: Except four is an orgy.

Julia: Four is TOTALLY an orgy. Who’s got a cigarette?

Amy: Hahaha!