and while you rant and rave, dump dirt on my name tell em all i’m to blame
i know you feel hurt, undeniable pain
you lie your head down to sleep
and my image floods your brain but the doors sealed closed you’ve missed the train
you’ll never get the gift of my patience the privilege of proximity
the vacation of knowing me exhausted of all the showing
you don’t get to love me where i’m going
honestly i feel for you
your sanity, lack of therapy, itch for control
absence of clarity, violent tendencies, evading of honesty that you may never truly know real intimacy
and that is a sadness that’s oceans deep
the rage that rattles and rumbles inside of you will never be mine to carry no more tug of war
i am free
i am free
i am so free
embraced by love that is honest by those who uplift me
where i’m going
you’ll never reach me
About the piece:
‘you don’t get to love me’ feels present and very current to the space I’m in, but also like I’m shaking hands with my future self. With this piece, I officially close the door on dynamics I truly feel no longer serve me. Acceptance of people you love or care for not being a healthy fit for your life can be devastating, heartbreaking, and grief filled. Writing this poem, which isn’t about romantic love, felt liberating nonetheless. It points to transitioning into new territory. When you enter new terrain, not everyone can join you or is deserving of joining you. In letting go I’ve found peace, which can initially be fleeting, and isn’t always linear.
